Doffing hat

A New Job? Music. A New Job? Sleep. A New Job?

So, I had two interviews this week. One was at Warner for a position at the business office. The other is a position that Volt had me try out for. Both are full time, nine to five, administrative positions. They're both temporary positions, but still either one would be nice. What's really cool is that I probably have a good shot of at least getting one of them. The one that Volt set up pays more, so I'd be taking that one if it were offered. The Warner one would also be great. I know the people there and I know the atmosphere well enough. It just doesn't pay as much as the other one. However, both would pay more than I'm making right now. Also, both are relatively nearby, instead of out at the airport. Warner is, well Warner, so that's close - the 4 still sucks though. The other one is right off of the 17, which goes right in front of my house. It takes about fifteen minutes to get there. It's wonderful. Plus, both would need me to start within the next week. Basically, I could be gone and away from security very, very soon. Hallelujah!

In other news, I need to get cracking on my composition for one of my contests. The deadline is September 15, so I don't have a lot of time left. I've been struggling to write anything lately, what with my job situation as it is currently. I'm hoping I can take some time this weekend to put it together. With the prospect of a new job, it may end up being actually possible to pull it off. Stress and composition are not easily partnered.

Other than that, I'm really tired. I've not gotten a lot of sleep in the last couple days. I think in the last forty-eight hours, I've had about seven non-consecutive hours of sleep. Having a day job will be a major relief on that end. I've just not been able to sleep during the day very effectively. Even the Unisom isn't helping as much anymore. Although, if I get the downtown one, they'd want me to start on Friday. That means I'd be leaving the airport to go right to work. So, that will be a little hard. Totally worth it, though.

So, could you tell that this has mostly been about my potential future employment?

Update (8-28-08): I got the Warner job. I just need to hear back from the downtown one, which will be hopefully some time today. Either way... NO MORE SECURITY!!! Hmm... out of context, that doesn't sound so good. :P

Update 2 (8-28-08): Okay, so I didn't get my first choice, but that's okay. I'll now be working for Warner! I called in to let them know I accepted the position. I also called to my operations manager to let him know that I resigned. I had to leave a message, but I'm sure I'll be getting a call at some point. I let him know that tonight would be my last night on the job. As for the new job at Warner, I start on Tuesday - Monday being Labor Day and all. Yay!
Doffing hat

The Fallen Pillar

There are certain people in my life that I sort of just assumed would always be there. People like my mom or my brother. Granted, I'm well aware of the fact that mortality is something that we cannot escape, save intervention from God. It's just that the mind constructs around these people as though they are pillars of an unshakeable foundation rooted in the core of the Earth itself. It is no wonder then that the loss of one of these pillars is so unbelievable that the mind simply does not comprehend it's absense. To think that someone so essential to the framing of the mind can die defies the structure of it all. The mind protects its structures and reinforces them at every step. That is, until the step falls out from under it.

I say all this because I have had one of my pillars die this morning. My uncle Frank, or "Corky" as we always called him, passed away from the leukemia he's been battling for the last couple years or so. To say I didn't see this coming would be foolish and immature, but, at the same time, he's been one of those constants in my life. I just never really considered his mortality as part of my reality. Now that he's gone, I'm more shocked than anything. I'm very sad, but I don't think I've fully comprehended it yet. I think there's a whole lot more I'm going to have to deal with later.

This is not the first time someone close to me has died. At any given moment, I could name off a dozen people while still forgetting to mention several more. One of my first - of many - thoughts this morning was a concern that I was getting too accustomed to death. I think I am prone to stuff away my emotions or shove them in directions - such as art - that may bottleneck later, instead of letting them take their course or deal with them directly. Most of the time, I think I do it because it's inconvenient to take the appropriate time to deal with the grief and other emotions. The truth is death is always inconvenient. There are good things about death - such as relief from suffering - that make death's timing a little easier to bare, but there are always unfinished projects, unfinished conversations and laughs, and unfinished dreams. There is always something that needs to be done instead of grieving. There's always work and jobs and there will always be the art of keeping up appearences. And yes, these are things which can't simply be shoved aside. It's far easier to put away the emotions for a better time - which never does come, by the way. It should be no surprise, then, that I was at first very tempted to shut away my feelings and try to live out the rest of the day until I could figure out what I thought about the whole thing.

I would like to keep from bottling up my emotions over my uncle's death. I wish I could take a few days off work - although I probably could with this excuse - to really meditate on it, but I know that I will just have to go back again eventually. Seeing as how I'm working graveyard currently, I can probably get away with my meditation there. Not that the setting is particularly appealing, but it's what I've got at the moment. At the same time, I'm not entirely sure I know what it means to deal with it. I don't think anyone can really answer that one, though. I'm sure there are many books out there by very smart and intelligent psychologists and philosophers on the matter, but I think it comes down to each person differently. I've got to find out what it means for myself. I just know that bottling it up won't cut it.

In the meantime, I - like the good musician I am - have started by turning to music. I'm currently listening to Gabriel Fauré's Requiem, which has greatly helped me in the past. Music scholars often refer to it as the "Lullaby Requiem" because of the calm and lyrical feel it has. I prefer it to all the other major requiems written for almost his exact reason. It seems a more mature approach at dealing with death than the usually violent or grandiose settings of Verdi or Mozart or even Britten. They're all wonderfull pieces of music, but Fauré's seems the most... healthy, for lack of a better word.

Anyway, for those of you who find prayer an appropriate response, please be praying for my uncle's family - especially his wife, children, and his children's families - and my mom and my other uncle - who are probably taking this particularly hard. Thanks.
Doffing hat

Woes and Woes of Fun...

Here's where I stand at this moment. I've been working at my job for two years now. I have never wanted - and had reason - to quit than I do now. However, I need to pay rent, so I can't do anything until I get a new job. I had attempted applying at T-Mobile, but missed the mark in the interview. Now, I've applied - and been accepted - with Volt, which is a temp agency. Thankfully, my skill-set is very easy to place for a clerical position - which is what I want - and I'm practically guaranteed nothing under $10 an hour. The problem is just placing me in a good location. So, I'm waiting to hear on that. Until then, I'm still at my site.

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In other news, my concert with the Rain City Symphony will be on March 11, 2009. The location and ticket prices haven't really been announced, but, if you will be in Seattle around then, please think of dropping in on the concert. There's also a dress rehearsal on March 4, 2009 if you can't make it to the main one. This will be the world premiere for my piece "Awaiting Halcyon". I'll post more details as I get them.

I could go on about what else is happening in my life right now, but I'm falling asleep. I'm trying to adjust my sleep pattern before I start my first grave shift on Sunday night. It's not working all that well. If I can't stay awake until at least 6 AM tomorrow, then I'll be pretty screwed.

Good night.
Doffing hat

Voice Post

122K 0:37
“So this is day 5 in the week from hell. Apparently I am working 6 days in a row for Todd and me overtime because of the scheduling yeah. So over the 4th of July one of my co workers had taken the weekend off because of military stuff and so in order to cover for that I had to work Tuesday and Wednesday which means that I'm working from Tuesday till Sunday without any breaks and all sorts of fun. Anyway I'm gonna go now have fun.”

Auto-Transcribed Voice Post
Doffing hat


My heart burns over so insignificant of things
For a small grain of guilt, my mind trembles
Over a word spoken out of place
Over an action that no one noticed
Over a thought that affected no one
And here I am, ashamed
My guilt is not over some grevious sin
My pain is not for some horrendous wrong
My suffering is not over evil and spite
It's over nothing
A word, an action, a thought
Images - vivid and searing - in my brain
A word that would be laughed about by anyone else
An action that would be joked about later
A thought that few would even pay attention to
I've remembered them all
Why must I be crippled over this?
Why should I be in pain for so little?
These words mean nothing!
These actions are just moments in time!
These thoughts are gone in a instant!
The past is the past
Leave it be!
Why must I suffer for so little?...
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Doffing hat

I Haven't Done One of These in a While...

a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
g) In return, you must post this in your LJ.

(As violently demanded by samhobbits :P )
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    "..." -...
Doffing hat

Voice Post: Posting from Work, the New Place, and the Symphony in Seattle

284K 1:24
“Hello, I am posting from work. Um, just wanted to do a couple updates. One is that I am completely moved into the new place - though I'm overwelmed with boxes at the moment. But, it's nice to finally be done with the actual moving part of it. Um... At the moment, I'm at work. I would rather be at home, but, you know... that's... that's how it goes. And... and... um... right... I think that's pretty much it. Oh, oh, oh!... I should probably mention that, um... this is one thing that I have actually been keeping from LiveJ... LiveJournal because I didn't want to, you know, scare off the possibility, essentially. But, there's actually a piece of mine that's going to be performed, uh, by a symphony, called "Awaiting Halcyon", and it will be performed by, uh, the Rain City Symphony in... in... Seattle. Basically, what happened is that, uh, I sent off the piece to the... the Bellevue Youth Symphony Orchestra competition. Uh, but it didn't... you know... it didn't win. But, the director liked it enough that she said she wanted to do it with a different orchestra. So, ta da! And that'll be performed some time - probably May 2009... which I'm hoping to go to. Alright... well, um... that's the big news. That's... about it right now. Alright. Goodbye.”

Transcribed by: abadoss
Doffing hat

To My Future Wife...

My Dearest Love,

I know it has been too long since I last wrote to you. I have many concerns on my heart that I wish for you to know. Most importantly, I want you to know that I greatly long for you to be here with me. I pray I find you soon. I only wish I knew where to look.

One of my biggest concerns is that I have not been doing a good enough job preparing myself for you. I feel like I have been wallowing in my loneliness instead of working on finding you. There's the old saying that I should be happy as a single before I can be happy as part of a couple, but I am finding that to be of little comfort or constructive use. At the same time, I am uncertain of whether or not I should be looking for you at all. I don't know if I am supposed to look or if you are supposed to find me. I'm also afraid that neither of us will find each other at all or - worse yet - that we've already found each other and passed on by. It pains me to even consider that I may never know you.

I keep seeing glimpses of you in the women I meet and know. It bothers me greatly. Those sudden glimpses always fade and I am left with an even stronger pain in my chest. It is like having you ripped away from me a million times over. Each time is more painful than the last. I want these brief glimpses to become a permanent vision of you.

Please know that I still wait and look for you. I want to meet you more than anything in this world. There are too many moment that we have yet to share. I want to spend my life with you - as much of it as possible. Though I will wait, I must admit that I grows more difficult each day. I wish you were already here.

Even beyond the end of days, I will love you. I have always loved you and will continue to do so. Find your way to me soon, as I find my way to you.

Your future husband,
Kenneth Keyn
Doffing hat

New Apartments and the Reality of Paying Bills...

So, why am I online - knowing full well that I need to wake up in roughly four hours - instead of bed? Well, I'm pretty sure stress is in there somewhere. I'm really stressed out because of an impending move that will need to take place within the next week. Jeremy and I got an apartment, after a frantic month of searching. It was a financial nightmare to set up. It took Jeremy's dad taking out a loan - which we will be responsible for paying him back on - in order to cover the deposit and first month's rent. The rent will be $695 a month, which means Jeremy and I will be paying $347.50 a piece. The only utilities we'll pay for are electric and internet/cable. I'd prefer not to have cable, but it's hard to get just internet on its own. It also has a dishwasher - thank God! There is on-site laundry, but it's like $2.50 a load. There's no storage, so we'll have to get rid of a lot of stuff, as it is also a smaller unit than Tabor Terrace.

I was troubled about how the apartment would be set up, in terms of furniture. I am particularly picky about how everything is arranged, as it plays on my psyche as well as my sense of artistic pride. I'd feel like a idiot if I couldn't arrange my living space with some sense of creativity. Anyway, using an online floor planner, I used measurements from the apartment and various pieces of furniture to create a layout. I'm not sure how accurate the measurements were, but at least it's an idea of what it will look like. I hope it translates well.

Also on my mind, is that I'm soon to be paying off my student loans. I realize that they're willing to work with me as much as possible, but I really don't know how I'm going to do it in the long run. My career doesn't pay unless I get a miraculous break and my job is shitty and is doubtfully going to lead to any advancement. I do plan on pursuing better employment, but I was also considering going to my district manager and see if there was anything inside the company that would pay better.

What's more, I'm concerned with the manner in which my career is going. I seem to be up against a wall in my music. I need a serious break. I wasn't able to get into grad school, again. No one wants to hire me for any projects. I've received no commissions. And I can't seem to find any information on composition contests that have significant rewards - "significant" means just about any reward at this point. What makes it worse is that, because of all the time that I have to work and deal with things, I've not written much music at all lately. Compared to my first official year as a composer - where I composed around sixty pieces of music - I've been doing practically nothing. I need time to compose.

I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep now... Hopefully it will work...
Doffing hat

I Love You, Student Loans!

To be honest, I never thought I'd ever be thankful for having student debt. I'm sure many of you are aware of - and some paniced by - the fact that today, April 15th, is the day when tax forms are due. I was particularly freaked out because of my situation regarding a certain sum being owed to the government because of my... inconsiderate employers messing up my W-4. I had prepared my taxes online, but the site I was using wouldn't allow me to set up a payment plan - only the full amount would suffice. So, I'd put off doing anything until I figured out what to do.

Turns out, Jeremy had also put off his taxes - not for the same reason - and decided to fill them out, what would now be, yesterday. The site that he does taxes on includes a rather interesting section that I hadn't noticed on my tax site. There seemed to be a section devoted to Education Deductions. Well, turns out, if you paid tuition - not referring to paying off loans, but to the expenses that the loans cover - you are eligible for up to $4000 in deductions.

When I heard that Jeremy had done that, I asked him which site he was using, transferred my tax info over to it, filled it out up to the point of that section, and then went diving through all my old mail to find my tuition statement for 2007. Now, under normal circumstances, I'd be kind of pissed off by the results of my taxes. However, in light of what they might have been, I am elated. I went from owing the government $353 to being owed $15. I also had to pay $60 to the state of Oregon, but compared to $353, that's cakewalk.

Needless to say, I am wonderfully relieved. I'm also looking forward to my incentive check - which now won't go to paying off my taxes. Of course, Jeremy's tax return is going to be amazing. Yet, while I'm tempted to be envious, I can't help but be thankful for the near miss on this practically certain fíasco.

Next thing on my list; going down to the district office on Wednesday to correct my W-4.