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The Past and Future - Abadoss' Mind
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Sun, Nov. 16th, 2003 10:23 pm
The Past and Future

I'm able to shed a little more light on that situation that I cryptically mentioned a while back.

I had posted that entry when I received an IM from Hannah (last name omitted for courtesy). At the time, I was really caught off guard. I didn't know what to make of it. I was highly nervous because, though I had begun to forget about her, I don't think that I will ever be able to completely get rid of my feelings towards her.

She had found my LiveJournal some time during the summer and had spent a little time looking back on my entries. So, when she contacted me, she told me that she was wanting to right some of the wrongs that had happened (paraphrased). We spent a lot of time that night (I was on my Sunday night shift) talking about what happened. She had also asked that I not write about it in my journal, which is why that cryptic entry exists.

Needless to say, I was a little nervous. I was so used to being bitter. I was so used to thinking that I had screwed up so badly and made things so horrible that now that it was over, I could just move on. When she contacted me, it shattered my wall that I had built over that part of my past.

Since then, we've been chatting a lot. I'm still not sure about things and I know there's not a whole lot that can be done about them except let time take it's course. We've both had chances to explain some of what was going on during that time. I want to say that it's a second chance to just be friends, but I'm not sure where I am about all this.

I've enjoyed talking with her. It's certainly a lot easier to talk with her over the distance of the internet and now that a little bit of time has passed. I still have a lot of emotions to work through and I still have a lot of ghosts in my past that I have to deal with.

Regardless of where I'm at, though, I feel that this is definately a step in the right direction. Some things can't be fixed, but at least there's an effort... and that's all that really matters.

There's always hope... we just don't always see it.

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: "Canon in C Minor" -Kenneth Edward Keyn