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Merg... - Abadoss' Mind
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Sat, Oct. 11th, 2003 12:35 am

Wow, I feel like crap right now. At the moment I'm really anti-social, but I really don't want to be. I'm really wanting to be around people, but I don't want to find people to go be with.

I'm kinda in this funk where I want people to seek me out. Perhaps an simile will help. I feel like the kid who has gone to play hide-and-go-seek, but no one went to look for him. Not because they were intentional, but because they barely even knew he was playing. That's how I feel right now.

I really want some human contact, but I'm tired of looking for it. I'm tired of having to impose my presence on people. I just wish that people would invite me to be around them and find me. I spend far too much energy looking for contact, and I always feel guilty when I have to ask to join this or that. I hate imposing. It's one of the worst feeling I can experience. It's like third wheel to the max.

Now that I've described that in several different ways, I'm going to bed. Oh, I did go to a party and watched the Italian Job. I still think it's a good movie. And as an update, I've still not found a date for the Banquet. I'm not sure if I'll go, either. If I find a date, I definately will, but I doubt I will if I don't.

Current Mood: discontent discontent
Current Music: "The Italian Job" -John Powell


Sat, Oct. 11th, 2003 03:22 am (UTC)

Sorry about that, dude. I know that feeling. Hopefully I'm not a big contributor! It does kind of suck that you're on the other side of town.

Kenneth Edward Keyn
Sat, Oct. 11th, 2003 09:07 am (UTC)

No, you wouldn't be a contributor to that. When it comes to pretty much anyone from Beaverton (or surrounding areas) I'm not too worried about, simply because I know the distance issue is a problem.

I'm mainly talking about those on campus.

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