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Last Day... - Abadoss' Mind
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Fri, May. 30th, 2003 05:01 pm
Last Day...

Today was the last school day for the seniors... I'm really depressed. I know this because it's so hard to feel anything. I know that inside, I'm just breaking up at the thought of having to leave, but I just couldn't feel it today. I going to miss so many people and I'm going to miss the interaction that I had with everyone. I'm going to miss all the times that I just spent with people. But, this is all the stuff that I know. Right now, I cannot feel any of it.

I spent four years of my life at that school and now it's over. I can still visit, but it's no longer my school. That part of my life is now over. I've always known that's it's time to move on, and I've always felt the same too, but it's so hard just letting go. It seems that my emotions won't let me conclude it all. I suppose tomorrow will show how I deal with it all.

I suppose what made it kinda down today was the fact that I couldn't tell everyone just how much I appreciated them and how much I would miss all of them. Since our yearbooks hadn't come yet, we all had packets of paper to write on, but it just didn't feel the same. There's no one that I know that I will see after this year, with the exception of Erik.

I think that I would have felt a lot better about it if the day had been less structured. I know Jesse (I can finally call him that after so long of calling him Mr. Scott) thought that it was worth doing, but having that last time to hang out with the friends that I may never see again is what made that day so great before. It felt too much like everyone was off doing their own thing, instead of communing. Oh, well...

I have to sing again tonight at the senior awards thing. I'll be singing Blackbird, by the Beatles... I know that during some of the times that I was rehearsing it to myself, I started to break up, but I'm hoping that I can stay composed tonight. We'll see.

Tomorrow I graduate and move on. Tomorrow I get my diploma and I end this part of my life. I wish the ending could have been a happier one for me.

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: "Blackbird" -Paul McCartney


Fri, May. 30th, 2003 02:52 pm (UTC)

First and (especially) last days at anything have always brought me down, too. As much as we hate to admit it, we want those Hallmark moments and then to wrap up all the loose ends with good feelings and big, meaningful good-byes, and take that final walk into the sunset like we're supposed to.

But it never happens – they're normal days, just like all the others! I suppose that's why we have all these bizarre rituals, like graduation. We want to feel satisfied that something was really carried out gloriously and finished – BAM! – though the whole ritual is just an illusion to give us that idea. :)

What a rip-off, huh! :P

Kenneth Edward Keyn
Sat, May. 31st, 2003 03:52 am (UTC)


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