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What Am I Looking For? - Abadoss' Mind
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Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 02:15 am
What Am I Looking For?

Before I say anything, I need to give a bit of a disclaimer. I may even have to have a disclaimer for the disclaimer because if not taken in the right context, what I'm about to write may be offensive or may cause confusion as to the nature of my values. I'm a little worried about getting in trouble for what people might think of what I'm going to write, so I need to take some precautions.

I want to explore some of the aspects of my mind that I don't often have a chance to. I rarely ever go into this kind of stuff because someone always feels horrible and I end up feeling responsible for their misery. I've been having enough problems lately, so I don't want to add that to my list of things on my mind. If you want to read this, you cannot hold me accountable for what I say. You read at your own discretion.

Just to make sure that I cover everything, I am my own person. What I write may not agree with what your view of me is. I don't always tell everyone every little detail of who I am, so no one can say that they completely know me. The first person who can honestly say that they know every bit of me would be, in my belief, God. No one else knows me inside and out. I try very hard not to apply a persona in my life, but human nature makes it inevitable. I'm sorry if I don't conform to your image of me, but you have to understand that you don't get the full image unless I give it to you.

Also, just because I may not like certain things does not mean that I hate whoever might be doing those things, it just means that I do not agree with it and I would not allow myself to act in that manner and I would advise against it only if asked. I hold myself to much higher standards than I hold anyone else. I look for these standards in others, but I do not by any means hold anyone to them but myself. I strictly try to maintain my life at a particular level because it's where I want to be. I do not expect anyone else to want to be where I am at with my standards, so I try to make it a point to respect the views and decisions of others.

Now on to the disclaimer that I've been leading up to...


First thing is that when I write anything in an essay or structured format, I will structure the ideas into one of three systems: weakest to strongest arguement; least to most important; or least to most existential. In this particular case I favor the second.

Secondly, I use termanology in a very different manner than most people. please to not jump to a conclusion if there is a phrase or statement that seems a bit skewed or vague. I grew up in a unique environment, so I learned to process certain things in an individual manner. An example of something similiar is if a computer wiz were to explain the most simple of processes in a computer, it could still sound confusing or unintelligible because of the modified vocabulary that is necessary to convey computer related ideas. It's nearly the same in my case. I have learned certain vocabulary that may and will differ from the norm.

Third issue is that I do not make judgements of people based on the following. I will not by any means use the following as a gauge in which to compare my friends or others.

Lastly, the following is simply what my idea of the "perfect" girl might be like. I have no intention of holding this over the head of whoever I end up marrying in the distant future. By that time, the following will most likely have changed a great deal and it will not make much of a difference if I truly love who I end up with (which is something that I WILL insure).


My Ideal Girl

When it comes to appearance, I do have a clear and defined view of what I think is beautiful. I think the body shows a lot of how a person takes care of themselves. I primarily focus on the face when I think of physical beauty, but other areas affect this as well.

I personally like a girl who is well proportioned for their size. For example, a girl who is 5'9" wouldn't weigh the same as a girl who is 5'4". I prefer a girl who is not pencil thin, but not over weight. I don't want to notice any particular feature more than any other. In other words, I'm not a big butt kind of guy, nor a huge breasts kind of guy.

As far as breasts are concerned, I refer back to proportions. If a girl is smaller, then she would have smaller breasts than a larger girl. I find it attractive for a girl to have firm, well shaped breasts that aren't so small that they are not noticable at all, but not so huge that they are all that's noticable. I prefer the shape to be soft without drastic curvature. I don't find it attractive when the breasts seem to be their own entities, but I don't think they should be buried.

Another aspect of physicality is appearel. The way a girl dresses can affect the way I view her physicality. I really do not like revealing clothing. I really don't want to see it. I may be a bit conservative in my options about that, but I really think that things are better left to the imagination. However, I'm not suggesting that all girls should go around wearing habits or cover their faces with veils. I just think that modesty is an important factor. Girls who flaunt their sexuality only make me feel like there's nothing else there beside that. While I know that's not necessarily true, I am turned off and I don't want to pursue their personality or who they are as a person. It's a real barrier for me when a girl puts it all out there.

As far as dress that I do like, I have some tastes that vary. I like flowy, long skirts and blouses. I suppose if you were to bring together the late Romantic, late Victorian, and Early 20th century styles, you'd be a little closer to what I think looks good. I like dressing formally myself and I like to see girls dressed formally. Keep in mind that as far as I'm concerned, it wouldn't really make that huge of an impact on my views of the person, if they were wearing that or just some normal clothes, but it's more appealing to my eye. I don't really like patterns all that much. I definately enjoy the combinations of solid or single color fabrics, which, in my opinion, brings out more attention in the person and less in the clothes themselves. Basically, I like girls who are not afraid of dressing girly (as weird as that sounds).

The face is, by far, the most important aspect of phsyicality, in my opinion. I enjoy a soft, (again) well proportionate face. Like most of the rest of phsyicality, I like non-drastic curvature. I tend to prefer a less rounded face. I tend to not like any sunken features. I prefer longer hair and golden red, auburn, brown, dark blonde, blonde, and other similiar colors. I really like bright eyes. Not like make-up or anything applied, but more of a depth to the eyes that make them shine. I don't particularily care what color the eyes are as long as they are both the same color.

Behavior is farily important to me. The way a girl acts tells me a lot about who they are. There are just some basic things in this catagory. A few of these things are strict and to the point, but others can be put to interpretation.

The stricter issues concerned are fairly simple. I don't like a girl who smokes, drinks, or is sexually promiscuous. These things are straight forward and to the point. I find smoking to be a destructive habit, in addition to being difficult to be around. Drinking is another destructive habit. However, exception can include extremely special occasions like weddings or important things like that. Sexual promiscuity goes against my beliefs, straight up. I believe it is impairative to wait for sex (in all regards, terms, and forms) until AFTER marriage and only with your spouse. Sexuality is a very serious issue for me and I really don't take it lightly.

As far as general behavior, I like a girl who has manners. Belching every four seconds is not my idea of attractive. I'm not suggesting that women are supposed to be perfect or never have bodily functions, but I really don't want to hear about it, much less to hear it. I just think that such functions should be kept personal and not publicized. A general rule for me, which applies here: If it's something that you wouldn't want to see yourself, then don't make someone else have to see the same thing from you.

Keeping healthy (within reason) is also an important aspect of behavior. Maintaining a diet that is both nurturing, but not excessive nor malnurishing. I don't have a problem with people choices of diet as long as it keeps them in good health. If it causes issues, then I would advise to change it. I don't think someone should have a diet solely for the sake of health, though. No one should eat stuff that they don't like. There is always a way to find a balance between what is healthy and what tastes good. If it means simply cutting down on something to balance out the diet and still maintain good taste, then that's okay. If it's an issue of money (like with me), that's okay, too. Just getting what is necessary for survival and living well (health-wise) is all that entails.

Exercise is something that I can't really speak too much about without being hypocritical... I can't honestly say that I regularily workout or put aside time to do so on my own, but I am constantly taking on physical activity. I walk almost everywhere and I'm in a dance class (Intro to Movement) that involves working out four days a week. That's not really something that I had especially planned because I wanted to be healthier, but the idea that physical activity does happen and there is at least exercise going on in some fashion or another.

I don't find it attractive when a girl is blatantly rebellous. I find that annoying and that kind of behavior is offensive to me. I don't think anyone should follow blindly whatever authority says, but it's the opposite extreme and is just as destructive. Nothing gets done when rebellion occurs. Unless the authority is unreasonable (I mean that in the very strictest definition of the word), there is no cause to outright rebel. There is always a way to work out an issue through proper communication and understanding. Blindly rebelling will have more chance of getting the opposite result that it will of getting the best results. Always question authority, but never resort to mutiny until all other options have been used.

Demeanor fits into the behavior catagory, but tends to branch into the social one, as well. I'm not one for a generally pissy girl. I don't want to put up with that, nor would anyone else. There's something to be said for hospitality and I think that, regardless of gender, it should be something to work for. I don't think taking crap from other people is healthy, so I'm not suggesting that she do so, but at least being courteous about it is the least that could be done.

I like a girl who is not outspoken, but not silent. I don't like a girl who cannot stop talking. I find that rude and incredibly difficult to tolerate. I like a girl who can hold a good and deep conversation, but who can also listen when someone else is speaking and not interrupt. There is a phrase that was given to me a few years back from a close friend of mine by the name of Doug (last name removed for courtesy), who said, "You know there is a good friendship when you don't have to talk." I believe that. I think that people who are true friends don't have to fill time with talk, they can just be there and share time together.

This is kind of a difficult area for me to place specifics. I'm not a highly social person, myself, but it is an important aspect in the development of the mind. We as human beings are greatly molded by our environments, especially at school.

The first thing I look for is independent thought. I really don't want to deal with someone who is only going to do what everyone else is doing. It's very frustrating and leaves me wondering why I even try. It makes me feel empty and shallow being around people like that. I am not a fish, a bird, or an insect; I do not follow for the sake of following.

Next thing I look for is politeness. The ability to get along with other people, regardless of differences or conflicts, is a major point to me. If a girl cannot get over whatever attitude she has in order to get along, then why would I want to risk a clash? Being polite allows people to have a common ground on which they can build stable and healthy relatioships. A phrase that goes a little farther than I'm taking the arguement is that when you're the closest to someone, that is when you need to be the most polite. The fact of the matter is, humans are doomed to disagree with one another, regardless. I don't like escalated arguements, so keeping a polite attitude keeps things calm and at a level where things are managable on both sides.

I don't think a person should be so involved in social life that they can't function with what they plan to do for their lives. It's important to have a social life, but it's just as important to keep that balanced with responsibilities. Flakey people are annoying and quite easily piss me off. As such, I don't want a girl would isn't going to be responsible, but I don't want a girl who won't have a life outside of responsibilities.

Being tolerant is greatly necessary. No one is going to be completely tolerant of everything, so I don't expect perfection in that aspect. However, the willingness to look beyond opinions and lifestyles and not let it cloud their judgement is incredibly important. I can't say that I'm perfect or that I can always look beyond, but I really do try. I make as much effort as I can to look beyond differences and I would hope that my ideal girl would as well.

When I think of being with a girl, in the sense of either dating or marriage, I always picture friendship as the key and most vital thing, aside from love and commitment. If there's no friendship, then all it that's there is either lust or stagnation. FOr the past couple years, I've chosen not to date. A part of this was because I still didn't know what it was to have a true friendship with someone. I pains me to say, but I still have yet to experience a completely true relationship. I'm not willing to explore my passion for love until I be a friend first. I would like to think that I would be a good friend, but no one has yet to allow me that opportunity. Friendships cannot be one sided (as I've learned through very painful instances).

This is where a place a lot of weight. I really pay attention to the personality of people. This is where I can either find the most beauty or the most repulsion.

A sense of humor is very important in my eyes. However, in order to really appreciate me, a girl would need a witty, dry humor. Essentially, it would be an Americanized British humor. I'm usually able to find humor in just about any situation and I like a girl that could do the same. However, I don't think that she should be "stand-up comic" about it, popping jokes off every minute. There's a balance in everything and this is no exception.

Maturity is perhaps the most important thing I look for. I really have a hard time with immature people. I am SO easily annoyed by them. Immaturity screws up my concentration and drains my energy. It's immature people that drive me to go seclude myself in a little corner so I can regain energy. As an introvert, I draw my energy from being alone, and draining energy forces me into more alone time, which takes away from the time I need to do other things, including school work. It's not that I can't be around immature people at all, it's just that I get weary so quickly.

I simply perfer someone who can act their own age and not try to be older than they are. For me, some might say that I act like I'm thirty. While they might be right, for me the circumstances surrounding my upbringing forced me to grow up a lot quicker, basically making my mental age far older than my physical age. I don't think that people should go through what I did and because very mature. I just think that it's important to act the age that you were meant to be. Even I need to work on that. At the very least for people of my age, act like responsible adults. It's this time that we, as late-teenagers, need to take responsibility for our actions and ourselves.

As far as this is concerned, I think that it is important to have your own beliefs that are not set up for you, but that you yourself have determined.

If I were to consider a girl who I would want to spend the rest of my life with, I would probably want to find a Christian girl (simply because different religious beliefs can cause riffs within the relatioship), but that's me personally.

I know that I may sound biased, and that would be true. I am biased, as all people are, but I'm willing to admit that. I am not, by any means, bound to the beliefs that I have, other than by choice.

By no means, is my opinion the only right opinion. As far as I'm concerned, this is simply an image in my head. Whether someone agrees with me or not, is their choice, but I'm not going to force it upon anyone else. These are my views, and I've chosen to share them.

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: "Come to Bob's Pizza" -Dale North


Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 12:54 pm (UTC)

I haven't taken offense to any of your comments but they have made me think a lot about myself. I must seriously annoy you, I'm sorry for that.

And if anyone from our school thinks that I'm afraid of my femininity, I'm not, it's just more comfortable to dress in a hoodie and a pair of comfy jeans.

Kenneth Edward Keyn
Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 05:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Jeez...

As far as you annoying me... I'm going to quote myself:

"I hold myself to much higher standards than I hold anyone else. I look for these standards in others, but I do not by any means hold anyone to them but myself."

There are times when you could bring it down a notch, but you're not very annoying. I know far more annoying people than you.

ReplyThread Parent
The Childlike Empress
Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 04:22 pm (UTC)

Jesus H. Christ on a Bagel, this is a long entry.

I haven't read it yet.

I'll get back to you when I do.

The Childlike Empress
Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 04:45 pm (UTC)
Getting back to you

Continuing in the line of trying to be as non-judgemental and inoffensive as possible, I hope the following remarks are taken in the right spirit; Anything could be chaged after such a revealing entry.

I'm impressed by how much thought you put in to this. I probably couldn't sit down and write a discussion of what I find attractive.. Probably because I can't really seem to find anything in common with the people I fall for. But I guess it doesn't really surprise me that you can and I can't. It just seems like one of those things.

What I'm slowly getting at, in my utterly inarticulate maner, is that this whole thing really contained no surprises for me, but it was interesting that you could say it so clearly for yourself.

My one other comment would be that you really do take sexuality super seriously, and some times it may be a little much. It's understandable if you don't want other guys to play kissy at you, even as a joke, and if it really does bother you that much, its good that you can tell them to back off. You have to maintain a comfort zone. But sometimes when I see you get nervous when somebody pats you on the shoulder, I think it's time to calm down.

ReplyThread Parent
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 05:04 pm (UTC)
Re: Getting back to you

I appreciate your comments. They were a little less charged than I thought they would be, which is nice.

ReplyThread Parent
Sat, Mar. 1st, 2003 07:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Getting back to you

Kenny, you're a friend I'm not going to complain about your opinions because they're yours and you're entitled to them.

I'll try to take it down a notch when I'm around you, okay? You may have to remind me once in a while though.

As for what I think is attractive, think Samwise Gamgee but independent. I actually have a friend... Ummmm *looks around in paranoia* I can't say any more because people know people.

ReplyThread Parent

Wed, Mar. 5th, 2003 07:08 am (UTC)
Re: Getting back to you

I would not make a good wife for you. Just because I have sex before I am married dousnt make it horrible. My BF and I have seen and said to each other that this is a spiritual and bonding experience. I cant imagine giving this to anyone else. Why give a present away when you havent even seen it. For the rest- better get a mail order wife- cause your looking for perfection and even God says this is not possible.

ReplyThread Parent
Thu, Mar. 6th, 2003 06:57 am (UTC)
Re: Getting back to you

Sorry 'bout that... A few friends got into my livejournal account when I went to get Gulliver's Travels...

ReplyThread Parent