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What is This? - Abadoss' Mind
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Mon, Feb. 17th, 2003 11:42 pm
What is This?

This is really weird... I'm feeling cold. I don't usually notice temperature, so this is kind of a strange experience... Of course, I think a lot of it has to do with my crappy state of mind, currently, but I'm sure we've all heard enough about that right now... I almost feel sick to my stomach. I wish I could think about something else right now. I need some peace... just a little peace... but I'm not willing to have anything fake. Why do I have to be so damn stubborn? Why can't I accept my circumstances and move on? Why do I want to change it? Why do I think I can?... I'm so tired... and weary... I need rest... I need peace...

I wish I could tell everyone who I am, but who would listen? I wish people would accept my friendship without suspicion. I wish I didn't have to tell everyone who I was... I wish they would seek to know who I am, instead of me trying to make people listen. I'm just a person who wants to be a good friend. I'm a person who wants to see that he treats everyone like he would want to be treated. I have my flaws and I have my biases, but so does everyone and that shouldn't stop people from being friends or seeking friendship. I want people to be able to need me and I want to be able to need them. I don't want them to give up independence, or to give it up myself. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that I want a relationship that's open and trusting. One that can be relied upon in times of need and stand the monotony of "fair-weather".

I don't want to be the layered person I am anymore... I want to be free to be myself on all levels. I don't want to fear damage to myself for being open. I want to be free...

Current Mood: cold cold
Current Music: "Symphony of the Stars" -Star Salzman


Tue, Feb. 18th, 2003 04:25 am (UTC)

i promise... i will/do accept you for you.