Kenneth Edward Keyn (abadoss) wrote,
Kenneth Edward Keyn

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One of the difficulties with having eleven years worth of journals on here is that I feel like I am often repeating myself with the things that I need to express on occasion. I spend a lot of time writing about these things, which seem to bubble up from time to time, and there are only so many words that one can throw at one idea before the idea drowns in the explanation. My mind so heavily relies on ideas and concepts that to overstate one is nearly sacrelige. That's not to say that an idea can't be looked at from different angles or approached with a new context, but the introvert that I am screams at the idea of expressing the same thought over and over again.

The way that my mind works is to take and idea or concept, view it from as many different angles as I can imagine or discover, mull it over, try to apply it a little, and then - and only then - make an expression of what I've learned. It frustrates me to no end that the problems that come up in my life time and again require me to express what I've already made my "proclaimations" about, as my brother would put it. It is necessary to my psyche to express what is on my mind because it is the healthy thing to do for my mind and my emotions, but I struggle with what feels like incessant repetition. I want and need to express myself. Yet, I imagine that I am confined by my past expressions.

In truth, I will never be able to express myself the same way twice. I will always have a new perspective and a new context for anything that I might choose to talk about. I am limited by the extent of the English language, unless I decide to start journaling in French - or some other language that I have yet to learn, though I'd then be limited by those languages - but there are no limits to the experiences possible in my life. Any limits are self-imposed, as necessary as some might actually be.

What I need is to convince myself that the expression of my thoughts and feelings outweigh the desire for concise, one-time proclaimations. It's not easy. It goes against the grain of my thought processes, but it is necessary. I hate to sound like a broken record - to dredge up a cliché - but I need to say what I need to say, regardless of whether or not I've said something similar in the past. My psyche is not going to be particularly concerned with what I've written or said before. It's going to be concerned with what it needs to get off it's perverbial chest - to use another cliché.

Anyway, now that I've addressed that, I'll come back later and actually try talking about what's on my mind instead of what's keeping me from talking about what's on my mind. In the meantime, for those who care, this whole rant has been something called "meta-journaling" - or journaling about journaling. This rant is also brought to you by the letters 'k' and 'e' and by support from viewers like you... sorry...
Tags: emotion, journal, language, thought, words
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