Kenneth Edward Keyn (abadoss) wrote,
Kenneth Edward Keyn

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Art, Work, and All That's In-Between...

It's a scary process of trying to narrow down preferences on the important things of life. Lately, I've been coming to grips with the fact that my favorite artist is actually Bob Ross. I like a lot of the classical genres and there are many individual paintings and drawings that I like, but I can get over the fact that Bob Ross' work just makes me feel good. Rest his soul, he's an amazing artist. I appreciate his sense of composition and adaptation/improvisation. His subject matter is often in great taste - though some can be a little hokey. I've never seen any portrature by him, so I can't speak to that. It might be pretty bad, but, for what I've seen, I really enjoy his work.

Anyway, moving on. I figure this would be a good time to bring everyone up-to-date on what's going on in Kenny-land. I am still very much unemployed and really not enjoying it. I desperately need to get a job. I'm down to about $70. Up until recently, I was extremely concerned about where my next meal might end up coming from. However, I did go down and get food stamps, since I more than qualify right now. I had hot pockets today, so things are better in that arena.

What's not going so hot right now is my cash flow. I've been trying to claim unemployment since I got laid-off at the end of November, but I've yet to receive anything. The Unemployment Office has just been horrendous. I've claimed several weeks, but to no avail. I can't get through on the lines to talk to anybody about it. Let me describe the process. I've been calling during regular hours to see if I could get through and I always get a message that the lines are busy, call back another time.

So, a couple days ago, I just wanted to hear what the menu even sounded like, so I called about five minutes before the office hours started. I figured I'd be in the system long enough to be on the line by the time the office hours rolled around. Tried it, went through the menu very quickly, got to the line where someone would normally pick up, and got a nice message telling me the normal operating hours. The office opens at 8:00 AM. I hang up and then call back, exactly at 8:00 AM, and get the busy message. I've tried calling at all hours of the working day. One day, I tried calling back every hour. I get the same message every time. Without my unemployment money - which I do qualify for and have the information on how much I should be receiving - I don't know how I'm going to pay rent or any of my bills this month. I don't know how to handle this. I'm getting very worried.

I'm finding that the hardest part of being unemployed isn't the money - which is very hard, no doubt about it. The most difficult thing is being stuck at home all day. Now, I'm good about seeking quiet time and find those moments to cool down and relax. However, everyday and every minute of the day is not good for a person's psyche. I want to be able to take those moments, but, as it is right now, I have too much. I'm getting so rediculously bored. I wish I could say that I was making good use of the time by writing music or something productive, but I'm not. I'm so bored. I just end up craving a serotonin drip, practically.

I get outside, when I have the energy to do something, by walking to Walgreens - when I have money to afford food - or walking down to the park or someplace. Aside from that, I can't think of anywhere to go that's within walking distance. I can't afford taking the bus because I might need the money to go to an interview - if I ever score one - and I don't have a January bus pass. So, what do I do? I watch television.

I really hate it. I don't like watching television all day. I feel like crap doing that. To give you an idea, I discovered a new talk show with Bonnie Hunt. What's worse is that I'm actually enjoying it - nothing against Bonnie Hunt. By the end of the day, I feel drained and starved for interaction.

I don't like how hard getting a job has become. I have been sending out my resume quite a bit and haven't gotten back any responses. I've even tried applying for an office position with the FBI. I have highly marketable skills, but there's no market. I'm getting tired of looking. I'm tired of this economy. I just want a normal job.

With a job, I'd at least get to see other people everyday. I don't know what my relationship with those people might end up being, but at least I'd have someone around to interact with. Even if it was really tough and energy consuming, I could come home and find or make those quiet times instead of being forced into a life of it. I need balance. I need the quiet and the alone time, but I definitely need the busy and interactive time as well. Otherwise, I implode on myself. It's not pretty when that happens. If you might be wondering where Jeremy is, he's still my roommate, but his job and his girlfriend keep him quite occupied and away from the apartment for most of the time. I've gone several days at a time without seeing him.

Another thing that happens is that my circadian rhythm gets royally shot during long stretches of inactive time. Last week or the week before that, I managed to completely flip my sleeping schedule to where I was waking up at ten o'clock at night and going to bed around ten in the morning. It was terrible. I finally managed to fix it by staying awake for several hours more than my normal waking hours until I felt sleepy around the normal times. It was not good. At some points, I was doing twenty hours awake at a time. Now, I'm waking up really early in the morning without the help of my alarm clock. This morning, I had an appointment at 7:30 AM, had my alarm set for 6:00 AM, and woke up at 5:00 AM. I couldn't go back to sleep. I tried.

As I was just looking up a link for the last paragraph, I read an entry in Wikipedia about one disorder that affects the circadian rhythm, which seems to hit really close to home. The disorder is called Non-24-hour sleep-wake syndrome. Kind of a clunky title, but it seems to describe a lot of what I'm going through most of the time, even before I got laid-off. As soon as I can afford a doctor's visit, I might just ask him or her about this.

Well, I suppose that about wraps up my yearly - it seems - update. I really need a job, I have a possible sleeping disorder, I'm freakin' bored, I badly need social contact, and I need money so I can pay my rent and eveything else. Anyway, that's pretty much it. I hope all of you are doing somewhat better.
Tags: boredom, emotion, energy, food, health, job, money, roommate, sleep, television
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