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Hannah and Karen - Abadoss' Mind
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Thu, Sep. 19th, 2002 09:15 pm
Hannah and Karen

Those who have read enough of my journal should already be familiar with these two women. I want to take the time to compare the relationships. I know you must be sick of it, but it's still something on my mind.

what made her so special? In all honesty, I don't remember what caused me to fall for her. I guess she seemed like the nicest, most wonderful person with her energetic and kind personality. I'm pretty sure that I slowly transitioned from admiring her qualities to admiring her. That was my downfall.

I had every opportunity to actually establish a wonderful friendship before that point. But no. I let my mind cloud with thoughts of love. I was infatuated. I was hooked. I was doomed. I was blinded and lost all direction. I did the very opposite of what I wanted to do... I pushed her away. I tried to build on thin air, and it toppled.

It's only a guess to figure out where I am now with her. As a response to her denial of me, I have committed myself to leaving her alone. It's actually humorous considering that I was in no position to start any relationship higher than friendship, and she thought I was after more. Regardless, That option is now closed to me.

The only problem left is the emotional one. I'd have to say that this is probably the closest thing to a divorse that I will experience. The emotions seem similiar. Why couldn't she have moved, or gone to another school, or something like the rest of my crushes?... why do I still have to deal with her?... it hurts to see her, it hurts to find pictures of her, it hurts to hear her name... and there's nothing I can do...

I have a lot of respect for Karen. She's been my friend for the last three years. It got bumping in parts, but she's still been there. I was actually afraid to have a crush on her. I feared that it would ruin the relationship. I feared that it would get between us as friends. And for a while it did.

Sophomore year, we were in most of the same classes, as well as Ohana. We had actually become fairly close friends. However, as time went on, I started to become intoxicated with the closeness. I slowly became starstruck with her. She is a wonderful person and truly does have a great personality... and I feel for it.

The only catch was that I spooked her with it (I'm assuming). Our Junior year, she was very distant and tended to stay away. That entire year, I felt horrible about it. I wanted to say that I was sorry and try to avoid those emotions, but the chance never came. Maybe Hannah was a withdrawl from Karen... I don't know. There are a lot of things I don't know.

This year, she's really begun to open up to me again. I can't explain the joy that gives me. Sadly, I still have feelings for her that simply won't go away, but I'm going to try to wait it out and allow the friendship to grow. I missed being able to just talk to her. She truly is one of the best people at that school.

There are some similarities between Hannah and Karen. Among them are the outward personalities. Both are energetic and lively. Both are fairly beautiful (not a major factor in my mind). However, this seems to be where a lot of the similarities begin to disappear.

Hannah has a lot under the surface that she really doesn't show. She tends to be very impatient, selfish, and generally bratty. That seems faily cruel saying that, but it's what I've noticed. She has her good qualities as well (or else I probably wouldn't have fallen for her), but she'll tend to use them to hide her interior. How she deals with other people is often where those formalities fade.

Karen is generally a good person. Does this mean she's perfect? No. She has just as many flaws as the rest of us. At times, she can be a little crude, stubborn, and bossy. However, beyond that, she has a real talent for just being real. I call it a talent because it's only a little short of being a discipline. She has a good heart and generally cares. When she deals with other people, she won't try to push their boundaries (not very much, anyway). That and she has a great sense of humor.

Now let's look at where I am... I'm purposefully avoiding Hannah to keep with her wishes... I'm back to being friends with Karen... Notice anything?

For me, there's still a lot of things I need to think through. I don't have all the answers to why everything is happening this way. Maybe one day I will, but for now... I have to wait and see.

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Current Music: "In the Mood" -Glenn Miller