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A Long Time Coming... - Abadoss' Mind
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Tue, Mar. 14th, 2006 02:40 pm
A Long Time Coming...

I know I haven't been updating much, as of late. The reason for this is because a lot of what's on my mind are things which I have already extensively journaled about. I know that my journal is supposed to be a method of coping with my stresses and dealing with my problems, but there's a certain extent to which I really don't want to repeat myself over and over again. Yes, I'm dealing with problems and, yes, my heart is heavy, but I've already said this. Generally speaking, I don't like repeating myself because I wouldn't have said that something unless I had hoped it would be understood the first time around. But, then... what do I do with my emotions and thoughts that continue to rage on without reason or rhyme?

I've noticed that I sort of miss journaling about all my thoughts. I miss being able to take what's on my mind and put it down in a place that I can be safe and yet completely accountable for it. I miss being able to come to practical realizations of things as I write them. I miss organizing my thoughts in such a way that they can be presented to a readership. There are clearly benefits to journaling and I've been missing out on it because I've felt that I've said it all. Truth be told, there's probably numerous things that I haven't journaled about before, but it just feels like there's nothing left. And when it feels like there's nothing left, what's the point?

What I'm getting at is not that I'm done with journaling, because I think that would be a shame, but rather to say that maybe I need to start repeating things. I don't mean repeat things so that I can maintain readership, like syndication of old television shows, but more like continuing to talk about the things on my mind regardless of whether or not it sounds the same. After all, I could be talking about the exact same thing as I did several years ago, but I might have some different insights that otherwise would've gone unsaid.

So, why am I talking about this at all? Truth is, I don't know. My hope is that by saying these things I can further motivate myself to continue to share my thoughts and feelings. As such, I should also point out that a lot of what I write here is my feelings about what is negatively affecting my life. Does that mean I'm on the brink of suicide? No. Does that mean I feel like an utter failure? Not necessarily. Does that mean I don't have any good things in my life? No. I simply need to put my thoughts somewhere and most of the things that I think about are the things that need the most attention, which are the negative things in my life. I promise that I will try to get in at least one or two positive thoughts and feelings entries every now and then, just for comfort's sake.

That said, Happy Pi Day!

Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: "Afer Ventus" -Enya


This is where Maria talks about life
Wed, Mar. 15th, 2006 06:20 am (UTC)

If you ever want to verbalize these ideas, give me a call!

Happy Pi Day to you to!