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I Am Alone Because I Am Alone - Abadoss' Mind
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Thu, Aug. 25th, 2005 11:21 pm
I Am Alone Because I Am Alone

If I talk to you, will you take me seriously? Will the things I say be worthwhile enough to listen? If I talk to you, will listen to what I have to say? Will you not just respect me, but actually care about me?

I am a creature bound to the guarding of moments and interactions. I balance what I say and what I do and I wait for each appropriate time to enlist either. I am a wounded and down-trodden soul that really longs for deep connections. However, I wear my armor to protect against more wounds.

When my armor is taken off, I find that an arrow is waiting for my chest. It is aimed and ready and invisible until it hits. Only then is it clear as day. Only when it hurts the most. Not because it has wounded me, but because it wounded me while I let down my guard.

I am pained and I am burdened. I live two lives: one with the world and one in my head. The one with the world is formal and stagnate and the one in my head is deep and lonely.

My heart beats in many colors, but it makes no difference to the blind.

I am an easy person to like, but not an easy person to love. I am frustrating and infuriating. My mind, a curtain over my heart.

I am nothing to look at, so I am not looked at. I walk alone because I am alone. I have grown accustomed to the silence. Its dark symphonies and strange lullabies. It covers me like a thick vine, threatening to cut off the light.

I am alone because I have been alone. Not because I want to. Not because I cannot be otherwise. Just because that is how I have been for so long a time. I am alone because I am alone.

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: lonely lonely
Current Music: "..." -...


Fri, Aug. 26th, 2005 11:52 am (UTC)


You may be easy to like, but hard to love...except for the one who will love you. I am infuriating in my own fashion, whimsical, nnedy but assured, meteoric. I, too, am easy to like but hard to love...because who I appear to be is not always who I am. And yet, I am fortunate, because there are a precious few who look at those faults and love me for them.

I cannot but think that it can and will be the same for you. Those few were hard-won for me; I had to do much thinking, much introspection, much evaluation. You already do those things, so perhaps the work you will have to put in will be different. Perhaps your effort will look more like standing and waiting. But the important thing is that you cannot simply stand and wait and do nothing. You must wait while working, creating goals and striving for those while hoping and working for others.

I pray that your wait will not be long.

Fri, Aug. 26th, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
You, my friend. :)

"When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, God is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?" Epictetus (55 AD - 135 AD), Discourses

This quote reminded me of you... Because everything a poet says reminds me that there must be a God. There must be a God who is the God of love and lullabies, because a poet lives by these things. There must be a God who loves us deeply, because it is in your words, your words reflect something very great.

God. And the genius within. Every musician is a genius. You are no exception. Every musician has a mind that is full of dreams, ambitions, hopes, and a vivid imagination.

You are most likely wounded, when you let your guard down. That is why love is about risk-taking. If it wasn't risky, there wouldn't really be a point. I'm sorry for all the times that you have been hurt and all the times that you feel alone and invisible.

Because, the world is blind, for the world has failed to recognize just how wonderful you are.

And I don't even know the half of it.

Sun, Aug. 28th, 2005 04:03 am (UTC)

Very beautiful, real and achingly beautiful.