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Old Journal 51 - Abadoss' Mind
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Mon, Apr. 24th, 2000 10:23 pm
Old Journal 51

Today is Monday, April 24, 2000. Well, life just keeps getting better. I got me some new dilemmas. Oh, I think I mentioned in my last journal that I’m now going to a school called Arts & Communication High School, so I don’t have to worry about that. The first problem that I’ll address is that I’m seriously failing! I have two incomplete/Fs, one real F, and probably a D somewhere. With this looming over my head, I’m having a really hard time figuring out what I’m going to do. I can get rid of the two incompletes, and possibly the D, but that major F is not very helpful, especially a 37% F! The cause of all my bad grades mainly is the result of not turning in homework. I really don’t like doing it for some reason. One could say, “It’s because I’m on the computer all the time!” Or, “That I’m always sleeping!” Or even that I watch too much TV. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a strong possibility, but I believe there’s something deeper. I could try using the excuse that I don’t have the time (which I have used way too often), but I know that’s not true. If I wanted to do homework, I could have finished the entire math book by now! I suppose that I can get everything in at the last minute like I always do. Anyway, I’ve almost forgotten about Kristy. The emotions that I had swarmed around her are almost completely gone. I have promised myself (and sort of her) that I will end this…right. I’m going to give Andrew a call (taking the charges of course), and ask him if he would somehow acquire Kristy’s address (not phone number, or e-mail…just home address). I’ll write a letter thanking her for the impact she’s had on my life, but not give a return address. I don’t want her to be able to send anything back because it would make it so that I have not fully broken the tie. I will give specific instructions to Andrew telling him not to give my address…any of them. Of course, I’ll get everyone’s e-mails down there (you know…John, Mark, Matt…all them). Maybe one day, I’ll meet up with Kristy, and we can be friends, but no more. The only thing is that if that should happen, things won’t be the same. It will be too awkward for the relationship to go any deeper. Speaking of relationships, I suppose I should update my friend list… Let’s see, Spencer (last name removed for courtesy), Jeremy (last name removed for courtesy), Joe (last name removed for courtesy), Diana (misspelled) Johnson, Lisa (last name removed for courtesy), Karen (last name removed for courtesy), Candy (last name removed for courtesy), Nosabe(?) something, Dan (last name removed for courtesy), Tyler (last name removed for courtesy), Tori (last name removed for courtesy), Julia (last name removed for courtesy), Taylor (last name removed for courtesy), Erik something, Shawn something, Erik (last name removed for courtesy), Ian (last name removed for courtesy), Brynn (last name removed for courtesy), Gina (last name removed for courtesy) (not really though), and Crystal (last name removed for courtesy). Normally, Crystal would be nearer to the top, but there is a reason behind it. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to have learned very much from my incident with Kristy. I’ve begun to fall prey to a new infatuation. This time, I’m trying to fight it. Lately, I’ve really been starting to find myself thinking about Crystal. Thankfully, at least she’s my friend and I have the opportunity to see truly who she is, but unfortunately who she is (that I’ve seen), is someone worth admiring. She isn’t a chilita (Mexican wanna-be) like Kristy was; she’s a nice…Christian…real girl. What makes this even worse is that she’s a junior…16…June… I’m a freshman…15…recently. This makes things very precarious. What makes it harder is that I no longer have the I Kissed Dating Good-Bye book to have a reference in my situation. Also, about a month ago, I posted several times in Rebecca St. James’ prayer guestbook asking for people to pray for me about this. Naturally, being the introvert that I am, I posted anonymously. I even set up an e-mail address for my anonymous self. Well, in other news…I just recently learned that my sister Sissel died from a brain tumor. I don’t exactly know how to respond to this. I never had the chance to get to know her, so I never had a bond with her aside from blood. When I heard, I didn’t seem to have any reaction. I couldn’t pinpoint any emotion. The thoughts in my head seemed to stop. I could think. I couldn’t feel. There was nothing. I feel horrible for not feeling anything (which is an oxymoron, but that’s not the point). I seriously don’t know what to think, or feel. I wish I could feel something. Anything. I need something to grab onto, but it just isn’t there! Anyway, I just got a web-staff position at Chau Sara. I sort of write fictional stories about situations based off StarCraft. Plus, lately I’ve been doing some major work with my webpage. My only problem is that it doesn’t quite upload well. Ah, who knows? Lastly, I got a new CD. It’s by Plumb. They’re actually pretty good. I’ve been listening to them for a while. They have a real cool crossover between techno and alternative. Now that it has taken me three days to write this journal I’ll say good night at 10:23.