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Old Journal 48 - Abadoss' Mind
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Mon, Jul. 26th, 1999 09:53 pm
Old Journal 48

Today is July 26, 1999. I’ve come to know these journals as somewhat of a way to know that I have a soul, a life worth living, a way to prove to myself that I am still indeed a living normal human being. Before I started these journals, I was. Don’t take me wrong, I don’t mean that these journals are the cause, but what has happened over the past year has. I sure you know about my rampant infatuation with Miss Kristy (last name removed for courtesy). I became so involved in the fact that I found someone that was real that shouldn’t. I know now that if I had entertained the thoughts I had about her, I would most likely be just me, not me stuck to an anchor. Because of her, I felt threatened when informed about moving to Oregon, I felt threatened when we were about to move a couple blocks away. Now is the time I let go! No more chains! No more forgotten freedom! Let Kristy be Kristy, but not my anchor. I will move on. So, whenever the time comes I will be moving to Oregon, not for a way to escape, but for closer. However, this doesn’t mean I will forget her. She is an important part of my history. I can never forget her, but I will move on. I hold nothing against her, for all she did was be who she thought she was. I only condemn myself for being so arrogant that I believe my own lies. I didn’t know why I started these journals. Divine inspiration, perhaps, or nothing more than happenstance, who knows, but these journals have documented my entire encounter with the world most powerful weapon of deceit, infatuation. Take it from me, the farther you fall, the higher you have to climb. So, this saga of "Kenneth Keyn vs. life" ends now.