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Old Journal 25 - Abadoss' Mind
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Thu, Oct. 22nd, 1998 06:12 pm
Old Journal 25

Today is Friday, October 22, 1998. I didn’t get a chance to write for a while, so here I am. Lately, I’ve gotten a chance to become more social with the people around me. This year, I’ve been seen as more of a, well, sort of power holder. Kind of an untouchable in a sense. Sort of. I’ve been characterized as sophisticated and able to kick Eric’s ass. Well, old problems arise. I still see Kristy’s vocabulary has not changed much, but I don’t care about that. I got to sit very close to her on the bus. I was in the seat pretty much next to her. I was by the window instead of the aisle where I would have been closer to her. She was sitting in the window seat too. I don’t know how to deal with this. It just drives me crazy trying not to screw up big time. There was something weird that happened during third period. Just so you know, I have never, ever, ever received a note from someone that was addressed to me. Vanessa, or Nessa as she goes by, passed me a note. It was not a love note, so don’t get excited. At least I don’t think it was. Anyway she wanted to know my name for some reason or another. I had thought that she already knew my name from my friends. In that note she called me “Blue Eyes.” I had trouble at first because when I remembered the Vietnam code, I remembered it wrong. She passed me a decoder after a while telling me the way she remembered it. She had it right. By that time, I had already figured that out. I answered her by showing her how I remembered it and I told her my full name and my normal name. I also told her my eyes are more a dark turquoise. Sort of. Well, I made a promise to God that I will protect my family, my love, my friends, and my assignments. Let me explain. My family is my family is my family, so I don’t have to explain that. The only thing I need to explain is that if God just wants me to be like a big brother to Kristy, then she would be part of the family. Not directly, but close enough. My love. Well, I will always protect my love. My one love. If it be Kristy, then I’d be more than happy. Seriously, more than happy. If not, then, oh, darn. My friends, all sixteen or so of them, I’ll try really hard to protect them. Now, as for my assignments, that is a little more difficult to explain. What I mean by assignment is anyone who God just wants me to protect. What I mean by protect is that I protect their honor, them from verbal attack, and physical attack. Every category, Kristy can fall in to. She could be my love, then, just maybe, my family through marriage, my family again if God calls me to just be a brother to her, my friend by all the possibilities above, and my assignment if God wants me to just be a silent protector. I also made a promise to never throw the first punch on any level. As for protecting myself I won’t even throw the second or the third punch to defend myself. Anyway, it’s hard not to think about Kristy. I just keep making up scenarios in my head about her. The latest one is that I protect her from three guys who are planning to rape her. They multiply and attack. I fight them off with my wooden dowel by using my katana skills on them. Finally it comes down to the last guy, but he has a handgun. I warn him not to do anything. He fires at Kristy. I get in the way and take the bullet in my left shoulder. I get up. He continues to shoot at my shoulder. I keep coming towards him. I grab him by the shirt and lift him off the ground and say to him, “You’d better have good life insurance.” I don’t kill him, but I throw him to the ground. I throw Kristy my portable phone that I’ve been carrying during this. I tell her to call the police and also get an ambulance. I keep the goons in their spot until the police arrive. Then, I disappear into the shadows and Kristy tells the police that someone helped her and took a couple bullets. It makes me think. What would I die for? Or a better question: Who would I die for? I would die for God and Kristy at this point in time. I would die for my family, but God and Kristy are the most important in my life right now. Well, Kristy was absent the day before yesterday. It felt so empty that day. I just felt the day was empty or lacking something. Kristy of course, but I was referring to something else. Well, right now, I’m listening to a classical station and just wish for an answer to my problem. I don’t want her hurt. I pledge my support to you, Kristy (last name removed for courtesy). I love her. I’m just scared out of my wits about this whole thing. It hurts waiting for god’s timing. It really hurts. It’s tearing down all my strength to do school, work, and anything else. I hope this saga will be completed soon and with a happy ending, but only to start anew. Good evening at 6:12.

PS- I hope you, the reader, obviously my fiancée by the time this is read by someone besides me, will see this as a turning point in my life, not as some flimsy attempt to adorn myself with the honor of love. Anyway, good night.