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Old Journal 14 - Abadoss' Mind
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Fri, Oct. 2nd, 1998 08:41 pm
Old Journal 14

Today is Friday, October 2, 1998. Today sucked in my opinion. Today I was wounded badly in a spot I thought was never to be attacked. Today, I saw Kristy holding hands, with the guy she was last time, twice. This is the problem. I’ve proven to myself that I was right when I said that the answer was right in front of my face. It was. I just didn’t want to believe that the only person that I’ve, I dare say it, loved was already with someone. I had hoped that God sent her to complete me, but I was dead wrong. She was already completing someone else. I have no hard feelings against to two of them because this was my fault and my stumble. I had always thought that I would never be attacked in this spot of my heart, so I left it wide open, without defenses. Well, even though hit hard in my weakest point, I will still leave it open. If I don’t then I will never love another, I will never be able to give love, and I won’t be able to receive love. This is only one stage in my life, even though the hardest, so I will move on. One thing I do not want to commit is coveting someone else’s girlfriend or whatever may come from the relationship. No matter what, even though shot hard, I will always follow the Lord. Through traps and trials, whatever road he chooses I will continue on his path. I have yet to guess why the Lord brought her into my life. I know though that He brought her here for a purpose. I pray he shows me soon. Thoughts of what could have been still run through my mind. I just need learn how to cope with this struggle. I know that this will not change my perception of the Lord. It will, however, change my view on Kristy. What could have been is no more. I will have to realize that, even though I still don’t know. My soul and heart are missing a piece because of this. I know God will mend it, but for now it hurts like crazy. I will forever know her as my first true encounter with love of another person. So, I say good evening to all that may read this and know this. My life does not go with out shambles and I don’t know the meaning of all that comes my way. Also, be warned the world is full of lies. Learn what is truth and the Lord will show you the way.