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A Little Extra Help - Abadoss' Mind
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Fri, Jul. 22nd, 2005 11:30 pm
A Little Extra Help

Over the last several (about seven or eight to be exact) years, I've been struggling with my mind. I'm pretty sure that it's not all that uncommon, but for me, I was pretty determined to overcome it. I disciplined my mind and my emotions. I learned how to meta-think and compartmentalize, but still I could quite get rid of it. If you're confused I'm talking about depression.

There's a lot of crap in my life. Plenty that I have to be worried about. A lot of wrongs have been done to me and a lot of things have not worked out the way that they normally should for me. I had a traumatic childhood and a troubled adolesence. Yet, for all that's happened, happening, and yet to happen, it's not quite enough to tip me over the edge. With the discipline and skills for managing my thoughts and emotions, it's not rational that I should be as depressed as I am.

To attempt a description, it's like a lull that's ever-present. If you can consider a line between being depressed and not, than I would be just below the line. I don't think I could explain it in any simpler terms.

Well, through the connection of my mom, I decided I might try something. My mom found a research clinic that does both studies of experiemental and previously FDA-approved drugs. Among them are anti-depressants. I thought that I might give it a shot.

Now, I'm clearly not despirate enough to even consider the experimental ones. So, I went in and had a screening last week, where I was (officially) diagnosed with mild to moderate depression, and accepted into one of the studies. The study that I'm a part of is a double-blind study testing two different anti-depressants (very good ones, both of them) at the same dosage (so regardless of which I get, I'm getting the correct dosage - no placebos). The study lasts eight weeks and they also provide anti-depressants for a significant period afterwards. So, by being part of the study, I can pretty much have perscription quality anti-depressants for about a year, for free. Another nice thing about it is that at any point, I can leave the study, regardless of reason. So, if I start tripping out or having weird effects, I can simply stop.

Anyway, I had my first appointment on Thursday (in one of the rooms was a picture of County Galway, Ireland, which is the explanation of my last post) and have my first set of pills for the week. They're really big pills, but I haven't choked on any yet, thankfully.

When I first took them, I was expecting some pretty gnarly side-effects, but, so far, I haven't really felt anything. I know that it will take some time to build up in my blood stream, but no nausea, cramps, or any other weird effects listed in the warnings. I pretty happy about that, needless to say. Hopefully, I won't start growing big ears and a tail without noticing :P ...

Current Music: "May It Be" -Enya


Sat, Jul. 23rd, 2005 01:29 pm (UTC)

I just want to applaud you for your courage in seeking out this type of experiment/treatment. I really pray that it helps you without drawbacks. I know how hard it can be to seek medical help for depression, so I am very impressed with your courage. Go, you!

Sun, Jul. 24th, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC)

Perhaps I should think about that when I return to Oregon, seeing as I've already been diagnosed with depression and fed the wrong type of pills for it.

If there aren't any crazy side effects, then that's pretty aweseome. Best of luck with your trial.