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Feelings... - Abadoss' Mind
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Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005 07:32 am

I just briefly need to express how I feel (which is not to be confused with what I know). Right now, I feel like I've been wasting a lot of energy on friendships that aren't going anywhere. There's a lot of instinct in me that urges to give up and withdraw. I feel alone and isolated. I feel like people only know I exist when I'm talking directly to them and even then it's iffy. I don't feel like I've made any impact on anyone's life. Worst of all, I feel like no one wants me to be around.

While I know that this probably isn't the case, I still can't help feeling it. My energy is running low (especially since I'm dealing with my sinuses) and there's not very much left to combat my irrational feelings. Also, there's not a whole lot of proof to throw at my feelings. Not very many people seek me out for anything other than business.

Yesterday at dinner, a lot of my friends were sitting at a pretty crowded table and I, mostly jokingly, asked if they could make room for me. Tracy, at some point in this, said, "Aren't you an introvert?" Well... yes, I am an introvert, but how much less do I need people? I get more introverted time than I know what to do with. Let me be the determiner of my time to myself, but, when I'm in the land of the living, assume that I may possibly want at least some human contact. I didn't respond in full to her comment, since I felt the timing would have been inappropriate. I simply responded with a "yes".

I'm tired.

Current Mood: exhausted exhausted
Current Music: "Gloria (Ver. 2.00)" -Kenneth Edward Keyn


Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)

Hang in there. People do care...they just may not know how to show it.

This is where Maria talks about life
Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)

I struggle with feeling like people are just faking my friendships with them, that they are only nice to me to appease me. I know this isn't true, especially with my dearest friends, but it is something that I still struggle with, especially when I am tired, sick, emotional, or alone. I have found that for me, what helps me, is that God had a very specific plan when He created me, and how could people not like something that God created? My being here on earth means that people love me, people like me, even if for the sole reason that I am God's creation. That is my comfort. I hope it can help you.
And if you ever have too much alone time, you can always pop over and visit Mandie and Autumn and I. We are always doing hw, but dont' mind "interruptions" ;-) or people using our apartment to study.
Hope you feel better!

Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005 11:11 pm (UTC)

*poke, poke* so i'm not exactly REAL in your life... but know that i do read your journal and i do smile at your comments, frown when your down, and so on. and while i wish i did REALLY know you, i feel like i've known you for years just through your honesty in your journaling. be true to yourself, no matter what the circumstance. and introverts change and introverts need people too. and i personally, am a fan of introverts, cause usually they respect solitude and stillness. anywho, just letting you know that i care about you and i hope you find joy in knowing that you are loved. take care!


♥ Devious Honey Bell Shizzle ♥
Sat, Feb. 5th, 2005 11:45 pm (UTC)

you can always give me a call when you get frustipated, I'll be here for you, even if we hardly ever get to hang out, we should more... if you've forgotten my number, it's 503-476-7896