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Expression - Abadoss' Mind
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Mon, May. 3rd, 2004 03:12 pm

Expressing myself has always been a problem for me. It's not easy for me to express myself because I always fear that I'm going to be misinterpreted. So, I suppose I've been trying to slowly allow myself to express myself or at least find ways to imitate the expressions that best match how I feel.

The problem is that in order to really express yourself, you've got to be open and willing to be truthful about the way you feel and willing to make mistakes. It's so hard for me because the mistakes that I've made in the past in trying to do this have cost me friendships and have cause damage to those around me, as well as myself. However, I know that I can't keep going on expecting life to fall into place if I don't take a chance. I just don't know if the mistakes I make in the future will be enough to destroy me or my friends, or whoever I end up marrying.

I want to be able to say how much I care for my friends. I want to be able to say that I would gladly put their lives before my own. But I can't say it without it sounding awkward and out of place and more-so out of character. Every now and then I'll try dropping hints, but it's really useless because I'm the only one that gets them. I suppose if it weren't for the fact that I try to reserve the word as much as possible, I would say that I really do love my friends. It hurts me not to be able to say it. The best I can do is hope that they find this journal and let my written words speak for me.

Current Mood: discontent discontent
Current Music: "Spem in Alium" -Thomas Tallis


Mon, May. 3rd, 2004 07:20 pm (UTC)

All anyone can do is to try their best to express themselves and hope that none take offense. The worst you can do is to not express yourself and let people think that you do not care.
I've learned that it is better to be misunderstood than to be invisible...misunderstandings can be worked out and invisibility can be a curse.