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The Biggest Decision I've Had to Make in a Very Long Time - Abadoss' Mind
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Sun, Aug. 24th, 2003 11:44 pm
The Biggest Decision I've Had to Make in a Very Long Time

For those of you that didn't know, I've been occupied these last four days with orientation at my college. From this is where my really big decision stems from.

Here's the deal: I've lived here in Beaverton for the last four years as I went to high school. I needed to be close to it. Now that I'm in college on the other side of Portland, my ties to Beaverton are not as strong as they used to be. Check one.

Because I'm a college freshman, I don't really know what being in college is like (even though my high school was similiar). Check two.

Because I live in Beaverton, the commute, while easy in high school, is not horrendous in college. Check three.

Over the course of orientation, I realized that most of the stuff that I really want to be a part of takes place outside of class time. And while I'm still able to participate, for the most part, and hang out in people's dorm rooms and what not, I'm still somewhat of an outsider. It's almost like the the term "commuter" has become somewhat of a self-imposed label. It's hard to feel any connection because, in truth, I feel isolated by my own distance. I'm limited by transportation and even before I started college, I've never trusted Tri-Met. Check four.


I now have two options: I can live at home, as I have for the last four years, and in reality my entire life, or I can move into the dorms.

It's a difficult decision for me because I still feel some sort of obligation to Beaverton, or at least staying at home. I feel like I would have more privacy, I would have more space (literally), and I would have my own world in it's own little bubble. I want to think that I can still have that in the dorms, but I know that whatever I do have, it'll be severly limited in comparison.

The main thing about staying in Beaverton is that I'm close to my friends from high school. I don't know how those relationships will be affected by my move. I don't know how my responsibilities on this side of Portland will change when it would then become as difficult as a commute as it is now to Warner.

My other problem is that I don't know how long I'm going to stay at Warner. Originally, I was planning to go to St. Olaf, but that feel through because of my grades. I came to Warner as my mom's choice. Warner was the school my mom wanted me to go to. It's actually ironic because I wanted to go to the Curtis Institute of Music before and mom suggested St. Olaf. I didn't consider St. Olaf until after I decided to switch to vocal instead of trombone. So anyway, the point is, even within these last four days, I've grown fond of Warner, but I'm still struggling with my aspiration to go to St. Olaf. Currently, my one year at Warner before transferring still stands, but I'm not sure how long I can keep that as my goal.

For me, I know that God led me to Warner. There's really no other way, in my mind, that I would have ended up there. Warner was the last place I wanted to be. Now it's growing on me. The people there are truly awesome people. I can see that these are people who are clear in their directions. At the very least, they have it together. These are people that have a real drive and I can see it.

Practically everyone is of Christian background, so I'm no longer uncomfortable with what to expect and what I can and can't talk about. I feel safe. I no longer feel that I have to be a Christian only with my actions and not so much with my words. I feel like I can finally bring action and words into balance.

Also, the atmosphere is so much like ACMA and yet so different. Like ACMA, the close relationships between professors and students is there. That sense of community is there. Actually, the sense of community is so much stronger than ACMA! I've never experienced so much community in one place in my entire life, which is why I'm now so drawn to become closer. However, the people at Warner seem whole, where as ACMA, most people were seemed broken and hurt. They seemed unsure of themselves and lacking any will to change. Yet at Warner, the broken seem eager to mend. The unsure are bold and willing to gain assurance, which they find.

I still haven't decided. I know my heart and know the potential power of my emotions. I know that I have been led astray by them before, so I'm still letting my mind decide. I'm going to find a time to talk to my counselor and work out to see if it's possible to fund moving into the dorm. Then, I'll find a time to talk to some of my friends out here on the west side of Portland and figure out how I'll deal with that. After that, it'll be the time to make my final decision. It's too early to tell if I can or if it's worth it.

God help me in my choices.

Current Mood: distressed distressed
Current Music: "Real" -Plumb

8CommentReplyShare

gnomeundrwrlint
gnomeundrwrlint
Laura
Sun, Aug. 24th, 2003 11:52 pm (UTC)

*hugs* I'm glad you found somewhere you feel that you belong. You have my support... Wouldn't staying at home be cheaper though? I mean I would assume so but I haven't done the whole college thing yet so I don't know...


ReplyThread
abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003 11:09 pm (UTC)

Yeah, technically it would be cheaper, but I'm pretty much covering everything with grants and loans anyway.

Thanks.


ReplyThread Parent
gnomeundrwrlint
gnomeundrwrlint
Laura
Fri, Aug. 29th, 2003 08:27 pm (UTC)

Ah, cool. Have fun and be safe.


ReplyThread Parent
rosemilk
rosemilk
The Childlike Empress
Sun, Aug. 24th, 2003 11:54 pm (UTC)

I think you should jump for it! As one who has commuted from Hell and back for four years, let me tell you -- It sucks. It sucks a huge, huge, huge amazing amount. And it does isolate you, a lot more than most people think.

College is a time of transitions, and it might make the rest of your life easier for you if you move out now, too.

We'll still love you and think about you, and we can keep in touch with email and IMs and whatnot. But you don't need to feel obligated to hang around for us -- On the contrary, because we love you, we would feel worse if it was through us you missed an opportunity.

It sounds like it's a fantastic fit for you there. I'm so happy and proud for you.


ReplyThread
abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003 11:09 pm (UTC)

Thanks a lot rosemilk...


ReplyThread Parent
angelicodin
angelicodin
Angelic Aldeian
Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003 08:56 pm (UTC)

two words, "Lj Cut", cuz dammmm. but anyway hope you make the right choice what ever that is.


ReplyThread
abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003 11:08 pm (UTC)

Sorry, I'm used to only needing to lj-cut my quizzes. Plus, this is actually one of the shorter long entries... if that makes sense. Anyway, I'll start doing some lj-cuts.


ReplyThread Parent
angelicodin
angelicodin
Angelic Aldeian
Sun, Aug. 31st, 2003 01:33 am (UTC)

Ty, and might I recommend meditation? Always helps me


ReplyThread Parent