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Just an Update... - Abadoss' Mind
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Mon, Mar. 24th, 2003 12:02 am
Just an Update...

So, I'm in a point in my life where I'm not all that concerned about what people know about me anymore. I realize that I will probably never reveal anything deep of myself in person, but I have always wanted people to know who I am and what I'm about. Oddly enough, this journal has been one of those ways in which I can open lines of communication between those that wouldn't normally see who I am.

It's often risky placing myself in such a public and obviously noticable way, but I seem to be a lot better for it. As far as I'm concerned, Hannah, Karen, or any of them, could read my journal and I wouldn't be phased. Granted, I'd be very curious to catch their reactions, but it wouldn't matter to me that they found my journal. I've actually been very close to tempted to GIVE them the address to my journal.

I'm tired of keeping myself locked in a shell. I still enjoy my privacy and I will remain as secretive as I've always been, but at least I have an outlet for it all... one that's accessable. I realize now that journals aren't kept for reading, but for discovering. I can see the changes that have taken place over the many years by looking back in my journals. I still have the second entry of when I first had a crush on Kristy way back when. I still have the first entries of when I got a crush on Crystal (last name removed for courtesy), Karen, and then Hannah... they're all there, and I can see the growth that I've made through them. I can see how I've progressed as a man and as a human being.

There's been a lot in my life that has changed me and made different than other people. I am not the same as those who surround me, but by bringing out this journal, I have a chance to show that I am still a person and that there are some similiarities that exist (often times more than most would expect). Maybe I have delusions of grandure when I take that particular view, but it's not based on fiction. At the very least, my background has molded me into a person of a very unique and difficult to understand personality. Either way, this journal can help me bridge those gaps that exist.

However I or others may look at it, this journal is still a vital tool. Perhaps one day, this journal may help unlock some of the mysteries surrounding our time, which will one day be gone. Maybe it will be deleted the moment I finish this entry... who knows? What happens from here on out is totally up to God (in my opinion). I may never see any fruition to this journal. It may just end up useless in the long run. All I have to say to that is "whatever". For now and this time, it serves its purpose well. A gamble to make a legacy is really what it is.


I suppose this didn't end up as an update... I guess I'll have to compensate... I'm considering asking Olivia (last name removed for courtesy) to Prom... not sure about it though... another possibility is Ashley (last name removed for courtesy). Once again, I'm not sure. I just not sure if either of them would even consider going with me.

One other problem is that I still have no idea how to dance at one of these things. I can't just flail around. That doesn't work for me. I'm not going to find any enjoyment in it unless I know what I'm doing.

Another thing is that I don't know if they would misinterpret my asking as an "I want to go out with you" thing. Frankly, I'm in no position to start any kind of relationship. Secondly, if I wanted to go out with them, I would've asked a while ago. Thirdly, I still don't know them very well at all. Lastly, Prom is not exactly the ideal first date.

I don't know what I want to do. I just don't want to go stag or miss out this year. This is the last chance I have to go to Prom, and I want to do it this year. For crying out loud, I'm on the Prom Committee!!! I don't want to loose this chance.


Anyway, that was my update. It's Spring Break... yay!...

Current Mood: okay okay
Current Music: "Trip the Light Fantastic" -djpretzel

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(Anonymous)
Fri, Mar. 28th, 2003 02:23 pm (UTC)
About prom...

Hey Kenny,
I know I wrote this one as anonymous, but you do know who this is. I'm sorry to not say who this is, but I'm kind of shy about asking this. I was wondering if you wanted to go to prom with me, but I'm really nervous about asking you, mainly because I think I scare you. If you never figure out who this is, you'll know that someone likes you, and if you do discover who this is, well, most likely I'll be really mortified and I'll blush a whole bunch, but I just had to ask. I suppose I'll talk to you if you figure this out, and if not, oh well. Bye,
Ms. Anonymous


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abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Tue, Apr. 1st, 2003 09:22 pm (UTC)
Re: About prom...

Well, I'm not entirely sure, but I've got a good feeling that I've already talked to you about posting anonymously. Like I said before, I get a little paranoid when it comes to that.

However, if I'm mistaken, then... well, I wouldn't really know.

I admire the fact that you had the courage to ask, although anonymously, but I wish that you be a little more open with me from now on. It is a courtesy that I will also extend to you.


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