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'Bout Time for an Update - Abadoss' Mind
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Sat, Jul. 1st, 2006 05:25 pm
'Bout Time for an Update

Here's a look at what's making news in the life of your local Kenneth...

A sparrow was helplessly trapped on the MAX Red Line as it was awaiting departure from the airport. Local authority, security officer Kenneth Keyn, captured the bird and released it outside. Veterinarians say the bird is unhurt and causing its usual raucous at the airport. Evolutionist are outraged at the blatant disrespect for natural selection and threaten a lawsuit. Details pending.

Kenneth Keyn's roommate, Jeremy, left for his month-long tour in Boise, Idaho. Keyn was unavailable for comment, but neighbors suspect he might be in a state of "relaxation".

Some motorists claim to have sighted a bicyclist who seemed to be whimpering and clutching desperately at his brakes along SE 60th Ave, on the downhill stretch between Stark and Burnside, early this morning. Police are investigating rubber marks on the pavement, possibly left by the bicyclist. No bodies have been found yet.

Thanks to a close save by Warner Pacific College PA (Peer Assistant), Andrea, Kenneth Keyn was able to make an appearance at Lyndsy's Going Away party last night. Other notable dignitaries present were Emily and Donovan, Tyler, Naomi, Devon and Lori, Tiffany and Kevin, Prof. Megan, and an Shroutish thespian who still remains anonymous.

Avis saw a record number of car rentals this weekend, as the car line at the security kiosk and gate backed up the farthest it had in weeks. Officials credit the 4th of July weekend for the sudden spike in rentals.

A local resident filed for a Class TP bankruptcy this morning. No word yet on when he will be able to restore a working TP balance. Authorities hope that he won't turn to pan-handling or theft to deal with the issue, but they say that it can't be helped that people do what they can to survive in desperate times.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams, currently tops this week's Book Club recommended list.

And now on to the weather... Things are looking bright and hot here in Portland. Today we could see highs in the 80s and 90s. Hopefully, things should cool off by the evening, but be prepared to sit in front of a fan for the rest of the day.

In sports... local athlete, Kenneth Keyn, set a new record for longest bicycle journey uphill. Following his victory, he refused to comment, as he was gasping heavily for air at the time.

That wraps up the news for this hour. Have a great day!

Current Mood: busy busy
Current Music: "You'd Be So Easy to Love" -Frank Sinatra

3CommentReplyShare

fogwood214
fogwood214
Sun, Jul. 2nd, 2006 02:30 am (UTC)

Hehehe. This was a fun read! =)


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gentledarkness
gentledarkness
No
Sun, Jul. 2nd, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC)

That was quite awesome, I must say.


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samhobbits
samhobbits
This is where Maria talks about life
Mon, Jul. 3rd, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC)

You crack me up.


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