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Old Journal 52 - Abadoss' Mind
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Sun, Apr. 22nd, 2001 11:11 pm
Old Journal 52

Well, what have we here? It’s been about a year now since I’ve made an entry into my journals. Thought I’d last longer, huh? Today’s date is April 22, 2001. If nothing else, I’ve had time to work on my writing skills. There might actually be paragraph breaks in this one. It’s definitely going to be interesting trying to go over an entire year, especially this one.
For starters, I think I will attempt to make a connection to the last journal. First and foremost, I did end up getting infatuated with Crystal Smith. I did a better job of just trying to be a friend, rather than stock her. She didn’t go to ACHS this year, so I’m starting to no longer dwell on her. That pseudo-letter that I was going to write to Kristy will be transferred into a song that I’m actually in the process of writing (the title being, “Do You Love Me?” in which I will dedicate to her). I got my own copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye (which I probably should read again). I managed to slide through on my grades last year, barely. Shocked the hell out of Mrs. Teeter, though… I found that most amusing. I think I have completely lost contact with my friends from 8th grade. It’s too bad. I still miss them. Chau Sara crashed and my web page has had an “under construction” sign for the past eight months.
My current list of friends for this year include Karen (last name removed for courtesy), Candy (last name removed for courtesy), Spencer (last name removed for courtesy), Joe (last name removed for courtesy)… well in all honesty, my popularity has gone up a bit. I’m friends with a whole lot of people, while still retaining my reclusive properties (you would have had to read my earlier journals to understand that comment). I think this is mostly due to the fact that I’m in Vantage Point and sung a few songs, composed one, and other random stuff like that (I’ll explain Vantage Point later on in this entry).
Basically, I spent about two hours rehashing all my old journals. It’s incredible to see how much I’ve grown since then. I was so eager to place a label on everything. If it was an emotion, I had to know what it was… exactly what it was. I still have the same need to know, but not the need to label it. However, it has taken me four years to finally realize I was pretty (almost clinically [can’t say for sure]) depressed.
I’m getting tired, so I’m going to try to hit all the points I missed.
Vantage Point is the school band, but it’s not orchestral or marching… it’s more like a cover-tunes band… well, it is a cover-tune band. Anyway, every last Wednesday of each month we play for the school. That just happened to be one time that I had to sing. Ever since then, I’m almost a celebrity. In some ways I wish I actually was one and in others not. It’s difficult to explain.
Anyway, I’m starting to fall victim again to infatuation, this time to Karen. I am trying so hard to fight it, but once again, it’s hell.
Once again, Jason and his family are in our house. At least the relationships are better this time… and I’m in my neighbor’s house (out of the way). Kind of makes me feel isolated, though. It’s like I can never be truly happy. I know it’s not true, but it simply feel that way.
I finally did feel something for Sissel. I was looking at her memorial website for a long time. Then, it just all came out. I sat there and cried for a long time. Also, in a burst of inspiration (redundant, I know), I wrote an e-mail to Terje telling him I missed him. Naturally, I asked him to keep the knowledge of my existence away from Bjorn… papa, as I had once called him.
I may have to explain more later. I’m really tired. Goodnight from the ever vigilant insomniac, at 11:11 PM. God bless.

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