?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Old Journal 23 - Abadoss' Mind
(=Links=) - Abadoss' Realm - Facebook (my Facebook profile) - Twitter (@Abadoss) - deviantART (my public art) - YouTube (my public videos) - SoundClick (My Public mp3s) - Conceptual Music Competition - OverClocked ReMix - Young Composers - Iona - Rebecca St. James - Jake Shimabukuro - Troy Keyn - Jessica Meshell - Oregon Symphony - All Classical - Warner Pacific College - Arts & Communication Magnet Academy - Thunder Game Works - Real Life Comics - Penny Arcade - Homestar Runner - Hulu - Craigslist - Encyclopedia of Arda - Uileann Obsession - Weapon Masters - Michael Greenholt - Emerald Twilight - Digital Blasphemy
Fri, Oct. 16th, 1998 05:02 pm
Old Journal 23

Today is Friday, October 16, 1998. I will tell about yesterday first. Well, yesterday, I was totally embarrassed by someone on the bus. The rest of the day, before, was not that bad. Well, Eric, the kid who sits behind me at a diagonal, had ran with a small stump of a gag on me. Damare, the kid who sits beside me, was playing around with me when he said that I had lice. This is not true. It was either dandruff or dried gel. Eric yelled it out loud and made a big deal out of it. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but… it did. The reason being, Kristy was on the bus. Any other year or school I wouldn’t care because Kristy was never in my life. That’s what made me so mad. I was literally mad, outraged, and put down so hard. I was so ticked yesterday I needed to vent some other way than through journalizing. That’s why I didn’t journal yesterday. Well, today things went a little better. Sort of. Anyway, I learned that both Damare and Marcus knew that I didn’t have lice and did try, sort of, to defend my… well… honor I guess. That does mean I have more friendly acquaintances than I thought. It doesn’t change the fact I was embarrassed yesterday, it just lets me know that there are people that don’t just make any statement they want about somebody and run with it. I still am a little annoyed at Eric for what he did, but I will forgive him because I know that it was an attack by the devil and not him. I know now a little more clearly that the devil is aware of my little goings and will take any opportunity to destroy any chance of a counseling position with Kristy, or anything else if it be God’s will. Well, on my basketball skills test, today, I got two out of ten free throws made. Kristy got at least two or more shots that I saw. I still find it so difficult to not want Kristy. I will always love her and everybody else, but I love her differently then other people. I don’t love her because she’s very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, so on, and so on, beautiful, I love her for some reason I can’t explain. She just draws me to her in some way I can’t describe. It might be that God wants me to be with her later on in life, or God wants me to have this feeling so I can council her better, or any number of reasons. I know I love her though. By the way, Kristy’s beauty is just a bonus to the whole package. Anyway, I know it is love that I’m feeling. Only love can hurt this way. Or so I’m told. I do know my heart aches for her, but I can’t do a, excuse my language, fucking thing about it. I never use cuss word unless I’m extremely, and I mean extremely, frustrated or angry. I try not to even then, but sometimes I just need to. Back to Kristy. I can’t move forward because Deuel stands in my way. I have no intention of knocking him out of the picture. I have to realize that since she has a boyfriend I can’t get to close or I’ll shatter her relationship with him. One thing I know, real love will not jeopardize her for the sake of me. By severing that relationship, I put Kristy in pain. I will under no circumstance do that to her. I just have to look for someone else God wants me to be with or wait until God allows me to move into that position. Both are hard to deal with. So far, I’m just going to wait. I’ll wait until my senior year in high school if necessary. I will wait for God’s timing no matter how hard it hurts. In the meantime, I need to get my senses and skills back in order. I need to get into the Lord as much as possible before I can become a counselor to her. I’m in that process right now. Well, good afternoon at 5:47.

CommentReplyShare