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Old Journal 21 - Abadoss' Mind
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Tue, Oct. 13th, 1998 05:20 pm
Old Journal 21

Today is Tuesday, October 13, 1998. I was unable to impose the diamond question. This means I either have to wait until next Monday or I have to get to know her before asking. It disturbs me that I didn’t get a chance to ask. Anyway, today, because of the question, I brought the fake jewel. On bus coming home, I held it in eyesight of other people. This was so someone would notice and think it’s real. Then I would have told them that looks can be deceiving, don’t count on the outward appearance to make your presumption. Unfortunately, no one noticed. I can’t give any advice to others unless I have someone who is willing to listen to what God has to say through me. I know that with the experience that I have received from God in all my years is a very large jump-start with my social, logical, and moral standards. I must have been drifting off when I did my vocabulary thing in English that we do every day or so because I missed eight instead of my usual two or one. I tried looking for Kristy’s book cover today after English. I didn’t have much success finding it. If I can find out what type of book that she read for the cover, then I can move on to get to know her and become friends. I have to learn what she is interested to even begin any kind of friendship. I learned that the hard way last year, I’m not going to do that again. Well, my Christian reputation has grown a bit larger today. While I was waiting for an opening to ask Kristy the question, I was pacing and every now and then praying for strength. I was very, if not too, close to Kristy and her friends. Her friends noticed me praying and during PE asked me about it. They ask what I was praying about. I told them it was between me and God. They asked me if I was a Christian, for some reason. I said yes. One kid was even joking around and asked me if I’d pray for him. I can guarantee that I will, joking or not. I will also pray for Kristy. I pray that she sees any and all the truth about the company she keeps. I pray also that I see the truth about myself. I was unable to relay any message to the Satanist, but I did confirm my thoughts about him. He was talking about the way Satan worshipers make their pentagrams. Only someone who actually does that would know about that, unless you have a bit of information to what the enemy’s followers would do from those who did that then came to the Lord. I get my information from the second one. Anyway, I’m having trouble staying calm around her. She was the first woman I ever “admired.” That makes it hard to accept that she is not mine. It also makes it hard to meet her and become friends. Only friends. I have to make that clear to myself. I can council her if God lets me get that close to her, but I will not go past good friend to which she can get council from. This is a promise. The only way this will change is if God lets me go on. I do know that somewhere along the road I will make some kind of impact on her life for God. I can only wait for now. I pray that it not destroy me in the process. I’ve already been hurt once badly. I don’t want to get hurt again any worse. I guess I’ll just have to take that risk for God’s sake. I find it hard to believe that so many people can not see the light around them. I know when something doesn’t feel right. Well, so do most people. I emphasize “most.” The thing is I can interpret a lot of the time what it is. Anyway, I’m going to start working on a drama for the drama group at church. It will take place during the Crusades. First it will be in the Crusader’s camp at night. Then it will be on the way to the battle. Last, it will be on the battle field. I will make sure no one gets killed in the battle scene. This will be a church drama. Anyway, during PE I only made one out of ten shots that I made. What’s worse, Kristy was near by during each of my shots. That really sucked. Fortunately, Kristy was not paying attention to my shots. At least I think she wasn’t. I hope she wasn’t. I really hope she wasn’t. Anyway, I need more time to set the question up. This is a major question. It will effect her life, definitely. Or mine. Which ever works by God’s standards. Well, good evening at 5:20.

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