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The War - Abadoss' Mind
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Sat, May. 21st, 2005 06:24 pm
The War

I've let you into my heart
Now I want to let you into my mind
By the grace of God my heart has been protected
But, my mind is scarred from the war in my soul
I am shattered by my past
I am shaken by my present
I am scared by my future
I've been able to walk tall for the strength of my mind
At the same time, however, it is because of my mind that I hide in shame
I believe in my ability to choose that which is honorable, righteous, and Godly
But, my burden is weighted heavier than I can lift from my past sins
I came to my understanding of good, through my mistakes with wrong
I am thankful for that understanding, but each mistake is like a bullet that pierces my mind
I shudder at each one
Each one as real as the day it was made
I can only say to myself, "Let go!"
Though, I rarely do
It only submerges to rejoin the collection
And resurface at a later time
They only become more potent when triggered by the present
My present is mixed with strength and failure
It is in my present that I am strongest
I have the tools to overcome many obstacles
And wage war on the darkness of my past
Yet, intermingled with my successes are my failures
As blaring as my past, yet more so
For my strength could not overcome them
Failures I knowingly walked into
These also bring a shudder and blind me
I lose myself in their horrors
Once they pass, I am left gasping for air
My heart pacing at rapid speed
I lay chilled and aching
As though I'd broken through ice on a frozen lake
And managed to barely escape drowning
My future is the expanse of possibility
I know the course I must take and I know my purpose
But, I fear the diversions
I am determined, but I am not God
I cannot anticipate the events of the future
If I had been given a gift of prophecy
It was not to determine my own destiny
My future is obscured and blurry
I know the way I must go, but I cannot see
Only my starting point and the destination are visible
The path itself lay hidden in the fog
As though my destination were upon the farthest hill
And between it and I were set forests and marshes
Thick and unharnessed
I cannot return the way I came to choose a different path
I only have what is before me
I am worried that my poor choices in the past
Have made my way in the future impossible
I do not know if I will find obstacles that I cannot pass
I cannot fortell the course I will run
It is hidden from me
All I have is the desire to grow in the present
The wisdom that comes at great price from the past
And the determination to reach my future
God help me, for I know each alone are not enough
Please guide me in my steps
You have chosen my path and walk before me
Though I will loose sight of You
You are always there
I must follow
Please help me
Please help me, God

Current Mood: melancholy melancholy
Current Music: "Reflections on Grace" -Kenneth Edward Keyn

3CommentReplyShare

spero525
L.J.P.
Sun, May. 22nd, 2005 05:30 am (UTC)

That was beautiful.


ReplyThread
abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Sun, May. 22nd, 2005 06:59 am (UTC)

Thanks. It's a little more reality-based than some might think.


ReplyThread Parent
gentledarkness
gentledarkness
No
Mon, May. 23rd, 2005 03:49 am (UTC)

Indeed beautiful, and there is plenty of reality within it.

Very well done.


ReplyThread