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Alone? - Abadoss' Mind
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Tue, Dec. 28th, 2004 05:34 pm
Alone?

I've been thinking a little. What would I actually do if that one girl that is absolutely perfect for me were to suddenly come into my life? How would my life change if one day she was there? Clearly somethings would have to change, but what? I would essentially have to immediately open up my life for her and I expect that I would have to let go of some of the things that I want to pursue.

So what am I saying? Could it be that any searching I do now is ultimately futile simply because I am not ready for the perfect woman? Then I have to ask myself, would I ever be ready? And further I must ask, would I be prepared to never find her? Could I live a life without her?

So far, I've managed to live a fairly solitary life (if not in physicality, then definitely emotionally). I know that I am capable of being alone for a very long period of time with relatively little damage. I can live in an emotional desert.

But here's the problem: I can live without people because I hope that one day I will not have to.

Can I live in the knowledge that I will never find her? Can I live a life alone?





No.

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: "Mass in C minor - Kyrie" -Wolfgang Amedeus Mozart

13CommentReplyShare

gnomeundrwrlint
gnomeundrwrlint
Laura
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 02:04 am (UTC)

You'll never find the absolute perfect girl/woman for you, you may come close but you'll have to compromise a little bit. However, what if you aren't the perfect man for your perfect woman? Are you willing to change to become that man she's looking for? Americans have too high of expectations when it comes to relationships.

Anyway, thanks for the card, it brightened my day.


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abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 10:33 am (UTC)

The "perfect girl" is simply a concept. In my mind, I am completely comfortable with the paradox of living practically and ideally at the same time. I understand that whoever I end up marrying will not be a perfect woman, but rather because she fulfills that part of my life, she is the perfect woman. In other words, the perfect woman for that part of my life.

I also totally know that I will never be a perfect man. I acknowledge that I am incapable of achieving that. At the same time, I know that by fulfilling that part of her life, I will then become her perfect man.

The trick is then getting to the point where I am capable of fulfilling that part of her life and her challenge is to get to the point where she can fulfill that part of my life.

(Of course, the fulfillment isn't a simple show-up-and-it's-done deal... it's got to be a lifelong fulfillment that is in a constant state of growth. It's complex, but it's how my mind works.)


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kawaiipunkd
kawaiipunkd
♥ Devious Honey Bell Shizzle ♥
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 02:12 am (UTC)

I understand completely how you feel, I too have had the same idea presented to me in my own mind and I don't even know how to answer myself (not that talking to myself is really something I would advertise to the world)

you're not alone. Juat know that if you did meet that person, (assuming) she would be the most important person to you because she is your one and only, if you left goals behind to be with her, wouldn't that be worth leaving them behind to be with her for the rest of your lives?


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gnomeundrwrlint
gnomeundrwrlint
Laura
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 04:11 am (UTC)

She has a point, but I've been thinking about my own relationship.

My relationship with Evan has gone on for about two years now and I can't think of anything I've really had to sacrifice that I didn't want to. If you find a woman and she does become your world and you hers then you'll make compromises but you'll help each other to obtain the goals each of you have set out to accomplish.

Evan gave me the strength and support I needed to stop doing drugs, smoking and drinking. In turn, I've tried to assist Evan in finding jobs, in relaxing and coping with a touchy home environment and I've done what I can to help him in school (usually I just try and make him relax because he's in classes that my poor little brain can't begin to understand. Comp programing and Calc.)

I wish you the best of luck in your search for the perfect woman, however I doubt you'll find your dream woman. Compromise, but don't lower your standards too greatly. Do what you can to make yourself happy.


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krikketgirl
krikketgirl
Kat
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 04:14 am (UTC)

Bear this in mind: times change. Goals change. Dreams change. People change. Who you would imagine to be perfect for you right now may not be perfect for you in six months, or even next week. The dreams you hold so dear now may be only illusions which you will happily bid goodbye if necessary--or they may not. BUT if and when you find that someone...and let's remove the 'perfect,' for no one is, but let's define it as the one that makes you laugh and makes you sigh and puts you on the verge of tears all at once and you can't imagine what it would be like to not share all of your hopes with her...then you will find that your dreams are more accessible. You will know she is right because she holds your dreams in your hands.

And until then, as already mentioned, you have this moment to work on all the pieces of you that aren't what you want them to be.


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kawaiipunkd
kawaiipunkd
♥ Devious Honey Bell Shizzle ♥
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 04:46 am (UTC)

WOW,that makes me more sonscious of my relationship with Nick (or lack there of)

I have been with this guy for the last 4 YEARS! not once has he stood up for me against his bitchy friends, they all hate me. he's constantly late for EVERYTHING, even if I were dying of a gunshot wound, he would be late getting me to the hospital, and thus causing my death. Aparently he was going to ask me to marry him, but as I am still wighout a ring, we all know where that "idea" went... out the window...

I keep on making all these stupid excuses for him, and it's not fair to me... I thikn it can be summed up in a phrase "he's just not into you" if he would really want this, he'll be there no matter what...


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krikketgirl
krikketgirl
Kat
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 04:51 am (UTC)

That sounds like a not-very-fulfilling relationship.

I knew that Chris was right for me because he was passionate about not just me, but about the things that I'm passionate about. He held my hopes and cherished thoughts close to him, because he knew they were precious to me. Find a guy like that, and you will have found a gem.

No one of us is perfect, but we do have the responsibility to look at the relationships in our life and make sure that they are what we need to be spending time on. I wish you well in your relationship, whatever happens.


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kawaiipunkd
kawaiipunkd
♥ Devious Honey Bell Shizzle ♥
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 05:03 am (UTC)

yeah, it's not very fulfilling, infact, he usually only calls me when he wants to see me, when I call him, it takes forever for him to get back to me... I am considering this relationship dead in the water...


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abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 10:35 am (UTC)

I'll refer to an above comment I made...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/abadoss/140418.html?thread=227714#t227714


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(Anonymous)
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 04:28 am (UTC)

I realize that you're in a constant struggle the girl situation on an almost regular basis. I think at some point, we all struggle with the Mrs/Mr. Right thing. When will he/she come into my life? Will I know the first moment I meet this person? We may never know all of the answers to our questions, but that is perfectly ok. Although we don't know what's to come, we can have faith that God know's what's going to happen. He always seems to put the right person in our lives when we aren't looking for him/her. Have patience.

Anyway, the real reason why I am responding to your message is to ask you something that many of us have been wondering about for a while. What is the deal with you and Stephanie? Both you and she have said that you are only friends and that more than likely, nothing will come from your "friendship", but you two seem a little too cozy for just friends. If we didn't know any better, we'd assume that you two are dating. You spend large quantites of time together. You always seem to eat lunch together and sit together in chapel. You two are always touching one another in one way or another. You've been seen walking Stephanie to her apartment or coming from her apartment at 3 (or later) in the morning. So, if you could please elaborate on what the deal is between the two of you, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!


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abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 10:23 am (UTC)

A past journal entry that helps explain a little of this

"As far as the book, I found that there was a lot I could draw from it, but I had some difficulty placing myself under only one of the five catagories. The five different love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch. Out of the five, I can pretty much identify with four of them; Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. I try to use all but Physical Touch as a means of expressing myself. I only refrain from Physical Touch because I'm unsure of the boundaries of others and I'd rather err on the side of caution than overstep their comfort level."

With Stephanie, I have found someone that is willing to be open and comfortable with me, which she has expressed. Therefore, I am comfortable being close to her in that way (Physical Touch). Also, she is willing to spend a good deal of time with me (Quality time). She affirms me when I talk to her, mostly over IM, and when we talk in person (Words of Affirmation). Finally, she has on multiple occasions been there to help me out when I've needed it (Acts of Service).

I, in turn, reciprocate because I value her contributions to my life and I value her as my friend. I have chosen to allow our friendship to grow with the understanding that I cannot at this time go beyond the boundaries of such. However, such boundaries are for me to decide, with clear understanding of values, morals, and counsel. I do not enter unaware nor with ill intent. I am in constant consideration of the boundaries of our friendship, though it may not seem so.

Furthermore, when I walk Stephanie back to her apartment, I do so because it is a chivalrous and gentlemanly thing to do to escort a woman back to her home. I also do it because she is my friend and I like spending time with her. Also, when I leave from her apartment at three in the morning, I'm usually coming back from watching a movie with her that is started at midnight, that lasts about two hours, and talking afterwards for about an hour.


And just as a note, I am a little more appreciative of comments when I know who they come from. When you post anonymously, please include your real name with it so I know who I'm talking to. I do not retaliate against people for what they say if it's honest and in at least a respectful attitude. As a matter of fact, I highly value anyone who calls me into accountibility for something because it gives me a chance to correct my shortcomings.

I also value those those that honestly want to understand me because there is a great deal about me that very few have even a clue about. However, do not come to me with any assumptions because you gain no understanding about me. I often look for opportunities to break down people's assumptions, so don't give me that chance.


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cloudgirl8
cloudgirl8
Bethany
Wed, Dec. 29th, 2004 05:29 pm (UTC)
what a popular post

I understand where you are coming from. I have an idea of "my perfect someone" (who isn't expected to be perfect of course); however, the search for him is tiresome and often seems futile. What I have accepted is that though I have many awesome guy friends I have yet to meet my future husband (and marriage is the ultimate goal in dating, which is sadly why I had to end a relationship with a great guy, because I knew I could never marry him). What I have decided to do in my "lonely times" is work on building a stronger relationship with God, and praying that my future husband does the same. Also, I try to become the woman that I would want my "perfect man" to be with (these are changes that I make without a particular guy in mind, so I am not trying to change in order to make a guy like me...just in case that wasn't clear) that way he can find me as well.

ex. I want a strong Christian man, and I think to
myself a strong Christian man, would probably want a
strong Christian woman. So I become that.

ex. I want a man who is a little old fashioned when it
comes to gender roles. So I become accepting of all
aspects of that ideal.
etc.

I know your "perfect someone" is out there and as long as you ideals of "perfect" are pleasing in Gods eyes you will find her and she will be worth the wait no matter how long or short it might be.

God Bless,
Bethany


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mrs_rice
mrs_rice
mrs_rice
Thu, Dec. 30th, 2004 05:37 am (UTC)
Silly...

Of course you'll find her. If she's perfect, you won't have to give up much. Either that, or it just won't feel that way.


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