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References? - Abadoss' Mind
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Thu, Sep. 9th, 2004 09:36 pm
References?

Not particularly in that great of a mood right now. There's so many things that demand resolution in my mind. So many things left undone and so much that left to rot. I'm so tired of it all. It wears on me. I want to get past this and I want to move on, but I can't. I don't yet know if I can live with the consequences of any decision I make. I have no catalyst, so I'm left to decide on my own. Alone.

I constantly feel like I'm alone. I always feel needed, but I rarely feel wanted. I fear I've become used to it. I fear that I've become so used to it that I wouldn't know what to do if it changed. I wouldn't know what to do if I suddenly felt wanted. I've been conditioned as a lone wolf, but I long for more. I long to be wanted. I long to know how to receive it. I long for the chance to try. But, I'm left waiting for what, I fear, will never come. I'm alone.

But what about those that I hang out with, share classes with, or talk with regularly? Am I alone when they're around? Are they my friends? I don't know. I still feel alone. Are they more than just glorified acquiantances? I don't know. I still feel alone.



In hopes of resolving the issue with quiet hours, I wrote a four page letter to all the PAs and the Area Coordinator on Friday explaining how important quiet hours are to me, my exact condition with insomnia, how the acoustics of the dorm buildings amplify sounds, and a plea that they figure out something about the matter. I've yet to see what becomes of it. I'm just waiting.

Choir Council elections were today. I was nominated for Treasurer. It's not surprising to me that I didn't win (I only got three votes). I've never won an election for an office in my life. Just another notch on the list.

Tried filling out a worksheet for a Perkins Loan... it asks for references... I have no idea who I can put as references... Damn...

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: "..." -Noisy people...

3CommentReplyShare

gnomeundrwrlint
gnomeundrwrlint
Laura
Thu, Sep. 9th, 2004 10:23 pm (UTC)

You can put me as a reference if you'd like.


ReplyThread
abadoss
abadoss
Kenneth Edward Keyn
Fri, Sep. 10th, 2004 12:22 am (UTC)

I do appreciate that.


ReplyThread Parent
gnomeundrwrlint
gnomeundrwrlint
Laura
Fri, Sep. 10th, 2004 11:16 am (UTC)

I'm pretty reliable and I've known you for three or four years. I'm betting though there are better references than me.


ReplyThread Parent